It does get better.

[ElusiveCamel]

Last Christmas was just 3.5 weeks after I told my husband I wanted out. He only moved out this year in March so at Christmas we were still very much acting normally for our DS (who was 3 at the time).

It was awful. My little boy was so happy and all I could think about was how it was his "last family Christmas", how he'd never have another "proper" Christmas and the knowledge of what was going to happen seemed so terrible and unforgivable.

One year on and we're all OK, so much happier than I could've imagined a year ago. It's really difficult, especially at Christmas, to let go of the image in your head of what you thought your and your children's future would be, but if you're in an unhealthy relationship then that image is just an illusion anyway.

If you're in the same situation this year, either recently separated or in an unhappy relationship and contemplating it, please believe that it will be OK. That if Christmas has made you miserable this year, it won't always be like this. Hang in there

For those of you contemplating ending difficult relationships, know that the 'Fear of separation is worse than the separation itself' (Paulo Coelho)

It's absolutely TRUE. What this doesn't tell you though is that YOU as a parent will be a better one once you are free. Also that your child - regardless of their perceived relationship with their father - will BLOSSOM under the new healthy, free and peaceful environment YOU create by being brave and ending exposure to the the toxic situation you are all currently in.

You all need to do this in your own time, but once you have reached the conclusion that it needs to end, my advice to you is to do it ASAP, as each day you delay it, you will kick yourself for wasting.

this is my first xmas without my ex and it's been nice, happy, ordinary, and peaceful.

The thing I noticed most was that I didn't have more work to do which just brought home to me the fact that he made no contribution to the the extra work at xmas AT ALL. ever. The amount of work i do now is actually less because I've got one less person to worry about.

Good riddance to bad rubbish thats what I say

Or, as Edith Piaf said

je ne regrette rien

Completely agree with the op here, this is second Xmas now with exH gone and what a calm pleasant Xmas we had, no walking on egg shells trying to put a brave face on, I honestly didn't realise the stress and unhappiness I had in me until it was gone, I have absolutely no regrets at all and am looking forward to 2012, don't get me wrong this year has been a tough one for us all in many ways, but sense of relief now I am free of exH is immense

Great idea for a thread. I agree with so much of what's been said. My dh left for OW in August after god knows how long of leading a double life. I was dreading Christmas yet it has been brilliant. I shouldnt have feared it. I had a wonderful few days with my dc's. We went away and did something completely different and something stbx would never have done.
To all those contemplating ending their marriages or feeling that it is going to happen to them anyway I would say nothing stays the same in life, things move on, things change and sometimes you have to just go with it and try not to fear it. It is very likely it will be better even though we cant imagine it when our hearts are breaking for the end of a family we have tried to keep together, often at huge personal cost. My family were all so much happier and relaxed. No bullying, controlling, drinking father/husband impacting our fun. You dont even realise until they are gone how badly they effect the atmosphere.

I agree totally Dustland, I could've written most of your post.

The relief of not having expectations constantly dashed is immense.