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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need help writing a text to a twat!

15 replies

NewYorkBlizzard · 24/12/2011 17:26

History- met the guy (TG) through his friend who I dated VERY casually. We started casually also but then it progressed to holidays to his home in France, dinner out once a week, sleepovers at his every other night etc. We then broke up due to increasing twat behaviour on his side and I guess increasing jealousy on mine. We stopped talking but then got back in contact as we live about 2 min apart, we would frequently bump into one another. We were on good terms until he got a new gf, she demanded he have no further contact with me as inwas a threat...?! So he listened. During this time I fell pregnant but I didn't remain in a relationship with the guy. TG found out and congratulated me and told me he was sorry for not talking to me (they had since broken up) as I got bigger I would see/speak to him less. He would send odd texts apologising for being a crap friend, I always accepted and forgave. When DS was born he congratulated me and in my new mother emotional state I asked (demanded) why he had changed towards me and become so distant. His reply was unexpected and emotional; he said he felt that now I had a baby there was no chance of us trying again and that he really messed up etc. I saw him about 3 months after DS's birth and we hit it off as usual. He said i was looking better then before, that he wants to try harder with me from now on... We saw each other a few times after, he invited me out with his friends, it was going well. Apart from one time he invited me over he told me that I would have to leave after an hour as he had just made plans with friends!!! Normally this wouldn't bother me too much but I could see his twatness reapering. There where other issues too, I wouldn't hear from him for a few days- absolutely fine, but then he would call me at 2am- not fine. He would tell me we would go out and have dinner- nothing. This is all very typical of the old him.

So basically I sent him a text about 2 weeks ago saying I cant see him anymore as he is an utter mindfuck and he clearly hasn't changed. He text back about a week later saying he's sorry he doesn't want to be a mindfuck, he's away at the moment but when he's back he wants to meet up and talk properly about what is going on between us and that he's been thinking about me lots. I replied that again this is his usual act of saying something and not backing it up. His reply- he does mean what he says and he wants to see me as soon as he's back. I replied something along the lines of I know I won't hear from him when he gets back. So he got back yesterday and I haven't heard anything. I am SO furious and feel SO stupid yet again. I know most of you will say why didn't I forget him a long time ago, well I wanted to but I am so hopelessly in love with him. Anyway I want to send him a text now telling him how much of a rude twat he's been!!! I need some witty, sharped tongued fellow MNers to help with this please!

OP posts:
fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 24/12/2011 17:28

Your problem here is that you keep texting back! Stop being a oushover and just let it lie. Delete his number and forget about him. This is never going to end in a happy ever after so just let it go.

toddlerama · 24/12/2011 17:32

You must delete his number. You keep re-initiating a relationship that makes you miserable!

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 24/12/2011 17:34

No need for a text of any kind. Delete, block, ignore, change SIM card... He is a mindfuck, and the only closure will come from strictly enforced No Contact.

NewYorkBlizzard · 24/12/2011 17:36

I know your all utterly right, and I did do exactly that- erased number etc for him to only message me how much he loves me! I just keep thinking that he will change...?

OP posts:
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 24/12/2011 17:43

He won't.

No contact, srsly. You need to cut those hopes cold turkey.

Abitwobblynow · 24/12/2011 18:01

Next time you meet the guy, find a way of getting hold of his phone. Then look at the 'sent' messages.

I think you will find he has sent the text of how much he loves you - the EXACT same one - to several others.

When men are into you, they let you know it. He's just not that into you. Not in the way you wish.

TooEasilyTempted · 24/12/2011 18:02

At best, he sees you as a no strings attached, friends with benefits that he can pick up and drop as he sees fit. But you allow it. Stop allowing it. Don't text, don't call, don't have any more contact with him.

BalloonSlayer · 24/12/2011 18:10

'Get to fuck, you twat'

Nice and succinct.

Is he the father of your child BTW? I couldn't work out from what you said.

NewYorkBlizzard · 24/12/2011 18:23

Oh god no he's not the father. I've also said to him that he treats me like a fuckbuddy and that he doesn't exactly show that he's serious about me. His reply 'if I wasn't serious why would I bother constantly arguing with you trying to get the point across that I do really like you and that I'm sorry I fucked up. If I just wanted a shag I wouldn't bother making such effort and just go get a hooker or someone else who is just up for a shag'. He does have some valid points. I'm not the most easiest of girls. I hate making excuses but I will... He's had some really tough times with his family which I know hasn't helped his twatness.

OP posts:
LovingChristmas · 24/12/2011 18:35

How old is he/you? I had mega family issues and may have acted with twatiness in response to these (quite seriously big family) issues at 17 years old and had the occasional friend with benefits that I treated pretty shabbily, the difference is I grew up and stopped at around 19! Change your phone and ignore!

Anniegetyourgun · 24/12/2011 18:37

OK, so, maybe he's got reasons for his twatness, ie one of Those Families. So you don't need to think all that badly of him. However, he's still a crap excuse for a boyfriend so running for the hills is the best plan - especially now you have a DS to invest your energy in. Anyone you take on now has to be supportive rather than an emotional vampire. Whether or not he can help it, it does not sound as if the fellow you are talking about is capable of being what you need. He talks sweet talk but frankly, my dear (quoting the classics rather than being patronising!), he'll never walk the walk.

itsxmascryingagain · 24/12/2011 18:39

For what it's worth, here's my opinion. If you send a text, you will illicit a response and the cycle will continue. You don't like the ride on this particlar bus, so just get off!

babyhammock · 24/12/2011 19:03

He enjoys fucking with you. The best most sharpest, wittiest thing you can do response wise is to IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. Do not engage and if you meet him in the street act really bored and then rush off as you have somewhere much more important to be x

Helltotheno · 24/12/2011 19:20

Well for a start, it sounds like he's using you as a booty call between girlfriends, sorry.
Secondly, you now have a child who should be your absolute first priority. As someone said above, the people you surround yourself with now should be people who support you and indirectly, your child also.
I second all the advice above but get the feeling he'll keep contacting you (until he finds someone else) and you'll keep replying.
Hopefully I'm wrong.

NewYorkBlizzard · 24/12/2011 19:52

I'm 25, he's 24. Ok so I have just been on FB- the ultimate route of all evil, and he is definitely back and he is definitely on the naughty list his year. My feelings have now turned from anger to upset and yet more disappointment. I know what I need to do, I think I just needed clarification and an extra push. My little boy is my main priority, and he does need decent people around him. I think because I've been having such a hard time with pregnancy, DS father, feeling lonely at Xmas I'm wanting a reaction out of him. I know what he will reply 'I'm sorry I lost my phone' or some lame excuse and how much he misses me blah blah. And again your all right, I will get back into the texting cycle. I promise you all I WILL NOT text him. Thank you all for your truthfulness and I hope you all have an amazing Christmas x

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