On a scale of 'no big deal' to 'omg crazy' how bad is this?

[PengPeng]

I went out tonight. It was a slightly frantic evening (just for background info). Got to friend's house at 7. DD was having dinner at her dad's house (separated; she's there a lot but never stays overnight) and he was going to give her a bath at my house and then put her to bed. I was going to go home at 9.30, but then it was quite fun so got home at 10.

Knocked on the door for a while, no response. Had given DD's dad my only key, not possible to go round the back or anything. Got a bit worried so rang his phone. No answer. Long story short: spent 20 mins hammering on the door/shouting through letterbox/ringing my landline and his mobile. Checked if his car was there and found it so deduced they must be in my house. Finally rang police who were going to take a while coming round. 15 mins later (so 35 mins after I started banging on the door) he finally let me in - he'd been asleep in DD's room (at front of house).

Background: he is on antidepressants as well as antipsychotics which make him very drowsy. This is one of the reasons I won't let DD stay at his house. Has been sleepy (slow to answer door) before, but never this bad.

I got very scared. And then angry. Because there has been a lot of awful stuff, I'm not sure how bad this is. Can I ever let him look after her in the evening again? How to enjoy Christmas without being full of resentment?

winkly you think I am missing the point because the OP was home later than the OP said?

The point is that 10pm is not an unreasonable time to be asleep.

It is not unreasonable to not stay awake beyond the time someone says they'll be at home.

It is not unreasonable to fall asleep whilst putting a child to sleep.

It is unreasonable to spend 1.5 hrs ranting at someone who does the above

He was sleeping dont berat him over it poor man, he is trying to get better. My antidepressants and antipsychotics dont make me drowsy.

Just because he has depressino does not make him a bad dad, you are going way over the top get two fucking keys so you could let yourself in.

No wonder you aren't together you are being well nasty.

I think some people are missing the point. It's not his fault he couldn't be woken, but imo, it is unsafe to leave a child so young with someone who can't be woken more easily.

so those who are deep sleepers shouldnt have kids?

Get real.

Oh FFS I would sleep through a train wreck at the end of my bed but if the baby cries I'm upright in seconds.

The 3 yr old DD slept through so the noise clearly wasn't that loud

If he was the sole carer and was on medication would that be allowed or do you think anyone and there are probably millions of people out there on meds should have their children removed.

I didn't spend 1.5 hrs shouting at him.

He didn't fall asleep on purpose, but it's still not great for DD's safety. Some people also think dads have less strong instincts than mums when it comes to waking up.

I don't think it's great for DD's emotional safety to spend as much time with him as she does. But seeing him regularly is 'in her best interest' etc and he insists on it quite forcefully (he's not beyond veiled or even open threats and subtle emotional blackmail). But I do worry about how little he picks up on her emotional cues, begging him for attention etc.

Seems that being unresponsive occasionally is ok.

Just out of interest - what if he'd been drunk?

If you don't think that he's emotionally equipped to take care of her, why is he spending so much time with her?