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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Without DD this Christmas

16 replies

PilgrimSoul · 23/12/2011 22:09

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this. So dd has gone to her dad's for Christmas. I know she will have a wonderful time, Santa will come, she will spend time with her granny and grandad and cousins.

I am feeling a bit bereft and sorry for myself. Its just the two of us so we are a tight unit. Some of you may also remember a previous thread where I found my ex partner on dating sites a couple of months ago and kicked him out. I just want the next couple of days on fast forward.

I guess I am asking is there anyone else just wants to cancel Christmas this year and its damn reinforcement of aloneness?

OP posts:

namechangetoreply · 23/12/2011 22:16

Not this year, but I have had some rotten Christmasses. I don't really have any advice, but I'm so sorry. It must be very hard. Be selfish and watch TV for a few days? Not much of a compensation but not really sure what else to suggest.
Hopefully someone wiser will come along soon...

EllenandBump · 23/12/2011 22:19

Look on the bright(er) side of things. You have been strong enough to kick him out and get rid of him, instead of you cooking christmas dinner while he could well be on his phone, compiuter etcc to other women arranging to cheat. Your better off without him. I understand you miss your daughter but she will be back with you soon and you have her to be rhankful for. x

Amaris · 23/12/2011 22:24

I've been lucky that XP knows that he is so hopeless that he can't give DD a good Xmas and so she has always been with me. However, I have had a couple of Xmases on my own in the past (before having DD) and have actually enjoyed them, eating, watching and doing what I want when I want. It's more the build up that has been crap, once Xmas day has come it's not been too bad. She might have a good time, but you are always her mum, and probably the most important person to her.

Original poster

PilgrimSoul · 23/12/2011 22:40

Thanks for the replies. I do know that one Sunday is over, things will be fine. I'm planning lots of nice things for when she is back, and we already had our own Christmas Day last weekend.

I walked out of Tescos today, as I felt so bloody sorry for myself surrounded by people with loaded trollies and me with my lone basket.

OP posts:

katkitya · 24/12/2011 00:24

I feel your pain!! Its just one day, it will come and go. Buy yourself some nice food and booze and put your feet up. Is there anyone you can pop around to? Ive been very weepy but, actually, Im fine now. It is the build up.

Hattytown · 24/12/2011 00:50

I lurked on your thread and want to tell you that you come across as a wonderful person with so many qualities that your daughter will be proud of as she grows up. Courageous, determined, funny and eminently wise. Remind yourself this Christmas that even strangers on a website have been touched by a bit of your 'magic'. Try to enjoy the peace and the opportunity to be a bit selfish this weekend. Your DD will miss you too, but your reunion will be a very special one for the memory bank!

yellowraincoat · 24/12/2011 00:54

I've been in your position, and although I am going round to a friend's this year, I still feel pretty lonely (partner is at his mum's; parents are weird).

Definitely definitely be selfish. Watch what you like on telly/read/eat what you like - and be proud that you kicked your ex-wanker out.

It's taken me a long time to be happy alone rather than miserable with company, but once you've got to that place, you're sort of unstoppable.

mumof4sons · 24/12/2011 09:22

I'm on my own this Christmas too. My four go to their dad today to play happy family with the OW. This will be my first Christmas with absolutely no family at all. My mum is in the US and the few relatives I have in England don't seem to want to know me any more.

Luckily I have a good friend that has invited me for lunch, but really not going to be the same as spending it with my own family.

Try to be strong. You are not alone and it is only just a day. Just think we don't have sweat over preparing a Christmas dinner and endure the family arguments that come along with it.

itsxmascryingagain · 24/12/2011 12:01

Bless you OP. Come and have a chat on here tomorrow. There will be people here to keep you company. xx

Robotindisguise · 24/12/2011 12:09

Nip out and get yourself some DVDs you've been meaning to watch so you're not watching Xmas daytime telly.
Plan your day rather than bowling into it unprepared. Would you like to do your nails? Have a hot bath? Regrout the bathroom? Make a complicated stew and freeze it? Have a plan of action to keep yourself busy, I think...

Original poster

PilgrimSoul · 25/12/2011 14:36

Happy Christms to all, this is not so bad at all. I skyped dd for ages (from 5.30am!) Just been on a long walk. I bought some nice nibbles yesterday, and glossy magazines. Is it too early for a baileys?

OP posts:

malakadoush · 25/12/2011 15:21

Happy Christmas pilgrim!

I'm glad your day has been ok. Definitely not to early for a Baileys - in fact that's a great idea -I think I'll join you!

ImperialBlether · 25/12/2011 15:28

I have to say if I'd been the reason for a marriage/relationship break up and if I was living with the person who'd helped cause the break up and if my ex would be alone at Christmas without the children, I would tell the children that, much as I loved them, they should be with the ex.

Notcontent · 25/12/2011 15:35

I think it helps to remember that it is just one day and that actually for most people it's not the wonderful happy time we think it is...
My dd is just about to go to her father's place to play happy families with OW and new siblings. It hurts but I am getting better at dealing with it.
There are so many people alone today. I am thinking of you all!

Newtothisstuff · 25/12/2011 16:24

My Dd has also gone to her dads for Christmas, she went on the 16th and doesn't come back until the 2nd jan.. It's very quiet in our house this year and I miss her desperately ! Spoke to her on the phone this morning but she's only 5 so she was far too excited !! Hope your Xmas was alright ! Im going to make up for it when she gets back and I'm sure you will be doing the same

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 25/12/2011 19:47

Glad you managed to salvage your day from the doldrums. You are clearly a lovely mother who puts her DD's interests first. When she gets older your DD will appreciate it and love you all the more.
I've been through this myself, and it's worth the sacrifice to know that you are helping your DCs to be healthy and happy and to have strong bonds with both sides of their family. The best part of my whole Christmas was realising that my wonderful DCs understand and are grateful for those efforts.

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