Banned from contacting family members

[NanettaStocker]

Has anyone here ever been banned from contacting a family member, by a parent or similar, because they have fallen out?

I'm asking because the older I get, the more I realise that my experience wasn't part of normal family life. I come from a big family that constantly argues and falls out. Grudges last for years.

I was banned at a young age from speaking to another family member by a parent. It was someone I was extremely close to, and I feel robbed of the future we should have had.

I've never spoken to anyone who has been in a similar situation. It doesn't bother me for years, then suddenly it resurfaces for some reason.

Has anyone else been through something similar? Just to hear of others' experiences would help.

The family member let it be known that they were going NC with the Parent. That's when communication ceased except for letters. The silly thing is, for all the odd reasons that were given why the NC, the Parent was physically abusive to the family member. That just gets shrugged off and laughed about amongst siblings, think extreme 70s discipline. Seems like a much more valid reason than the odd ones given. The family member seems like quite a damaged personality, I think because of the Parent.

Nanetta, I think sometimes when there are a few siblings they do tend to brush things off (very serious things too at times) to preserve a sense of identity and feeling of superiority over the more damaged family member, or at least IME. Do you still have the letters? Could they offer anymore insight?

No, I wish I did. The Parent has also said that they no longer have them. It's hard to remember the content.

I think that's how they do all cope with it. How else do you explain rolling around laughing to the point of tears about how the Parent stamped on their child's throat for talking in bed, including the adult that was one that child. We just keep laughing at the bizarre behaviour and the crazy talk.

The Parent was never physically abusive with me. They had got clever by then and turned to emotional abuse and manipulation.

But they are also kind, funny and most of the time fun to be with. They had a shitty, shitty life, which we all make allowances for. The Parent seems to have symptoms of Asperger's. Very literal, doesn't get jokes, only reads biographies and watches soaps, will go on about the same topic for ages past the point of interest, doesn't seem capable of abstract thought. But the Parent seems to have learned the art of manipulating people, without actually being able to understand motives. Very strange.

It's a comfort in a way to know that it's not just me who won't be sitting around the xmas tree Waltons style. namechangetoreply and NanettaStocker - your threads hit a chord with me. i live by the mantra "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I would be here forever if I was to post my story (or maybe it's too hard to at christmas). I'm also going to head over to the stately home thread.

Nanetta, the sibling behaviour is so scary and I think it's common in abusive families.

Could the parent involved see a doctor, or could the siblings talk about Asperger's? I'm not sure what difference it would make though, given what you've said. Perhaps like my situation, very little makes a difference.

I was prevented (not banned outright but made very difficult and told I couldn't go to her home, I was around ten I think) from seeing a sister after she did something my parents disagreed with - living out of wedlock - shock horror - so not even a major issue IMO.

i tried the stately homes threads, but i found it just too difficult. I dont really get affected by xmas i have to say.

but i am more at peace now - my half sibling got in touch recently, it didnt work out due to his massive issues with drug addiction/alcoholism and thats how my mother got in touch, through him

it was all a relief when it went tits up tbh.

i suspect my half sibling has aspergers, as does my son but who is more emotionally intelligent than the rest of them put together.

i mostly ignored the ban as a child, i found ways and means, but found it incredibly hard.
there is alot more to my story but i wont bore you with it....save to say that whoever said bans are a symptom of dysfunction was spot on.

i escaped. i will stay escaped. the recent debacle with my half sib proved that, and the msg from my mother which followed proved it beyond doubt. i had a 14 page thread on here, i used it as therapy tbh. but it worked.,

im out of it, and im staying that way. my banned rellies are all dead anyway. so its just me, dh and our kids. my sister died in a car crash. i have one other rellie and we stick together, she is coming over at xmas with her boy.

facebook is crap for this. i still see relatives on there but i would rather not and im just working myself around to deleting anyone i would rather not see on there. 1 down. 1 to go. but the 1 down was a biggie and i feel so much stronger.

i would rather it just be us. i know what im getting that way.

I don't allow a family member to have 1 to 1 contact with my children and both tend to ignore the family member if we do come face to face. This person bullied my dd for being the only granddaughter. An adult who was jealous of a child. Everytime we met, they'd be late and do other things then send me an email picking up everything which I annoyed them while we were in the company of each other. The comments towards myself, children and husband meant my husband turned against them quite a while before I stopped contact. But I do it to protect my children. I used to not tell them where we were going as I knew both would have a complete meltdown and dd would be physically shaking as nasty comments would be made to her when we weren't there. I have to put my children first over a narcistic bully.

DP's family ban everyone. It is how they deal with any minor infraction. They are so sensitive and paranoid.

So now they do not speak to either ones family. DP doesn't know aunts/uncles/cousins or even 2 half siblings from mils previous relationship.

One was doing a family tree type thing and got in touch with DP and all Mil could worry about was that he didn't tell them where she lived as they may try to get her money! For the record they didn't even ask about her.

i am also banned from their house.