Pathetic and sad, where is MY family.

[andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee]

We just have Xmas day on our own, us and our little DCs. It's been that way since we moved from my home town (

Sorry none of that even makes sense.

Have no words of wisdom for you but just wanted to answer your post.
You sound like you are doing all you can to make your family (you, DH and DCs ) have a wonderful Christmas time.

Hope someone comes along soon who is more able to advise you.

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with
Both your h 's condition and the past issues
I am sure others can advise better but maybe resolve in new year to see gp and ask for some specific counselling ?

That does make sense.

Have you had some therapy for what you went through?
As you point out it's not black and white (I mean easy to cut off, end of and it's over) it's shades of grey and it hurts.

I think Christmas brings up and heightens emotions then we put them to one side again until next year.

Take pride in the family you have created with your DH. I am very sure you bring alot to the table for your DH and for the children. It's not easy to make a happy home and you are doing that for your children and your DSD's.

Have a wallow. Consider therapy for the New Year. But then tomorrow look at your family, hug them and smile. Breathe in their love and get yourself through the Christmas. They obviously love you.

didn't want to read and run but my posts aren't making much sense at the mo! mainly because I am experiencing a lot of pain about my family. It's that time of year I think, the festivities push in your face how crap your family is, all the issues etc, how painful it all is and has been.

sweetie,it may not help that much at the mo but I tell you what, thank God you've got DH's family. When Christmas is over all this shit will recede again [hug]

Thanks :) I feel a bit better now, reading the Round Robin thread has cheered me up (though a little bit about people's big families and old friends! WTF!)... Totally agree, it's Xmas that pushes this all to the front of my brain, even though for the most part I am really excited about it and feeling festive :)

I have had CBT for the abuse/self harm/depression, I outgrew the CAHMS before we got to the "dealing with toxic families" stuff though. It's all great on the surface but generally it's getting a bit harder to tolerate my parents as my own DCs get bigger and I start comparing my own childhood etc.

On the bright side this is a minor blip and it's pretty good considering this is the first winter in 5 years where I've been off antidepressants. Maybe I should put that in a Round Robin letter :o

Feel better for the rant thanks

What comes out most from your post is that, actually, you bring a huge amount to the table: you're supporting your DH through a difficult time, you've created a great bond with your inlaws and you're making wonderful Christmas memories for your children/stepchildren to look back on. You can't do much better than that.

Absolutely agree with Ciske. It's hard to pull it off with a brave face sometimes, but remember that "perfect" families we all have shoved in our faces at this time of year simply do not exist. Just get on with your way of doing things, take loads of photos etc and in a few years' time you will only remember the good times.

Agree with Ciske. Don't be hard on yourself.

Aww

I hope they will remember childhood Xmases fondly, that's my goal I think.

I am very lucky to have DH and his DCs - lots of stepmums aren't so lucky but my DSCs have really made my life better too.

I still feel resentful about my parents, I don't think that'll ever change. Eg the other day mum was supposedly babysitting my 4&2yos while we were tidying upstairs... She was watching stuff on her phone with headphones in, steadfastedly ignoring her GC. It hurts seeing DD trying to show her something and just getting 'mmhhmm' in reply like I did. Don't know why I bother with this once a month or so, but it's that or nothing at all.

Still, I need to remind myself - as I say to others who have similar threads - it'll be their loss in the end, when DCs realise their GPs are no fun to be around.