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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

oh heck - have just contacted my dad .....

3 replies

TrollopDollop · 22/12/2011 21:28

I just want to vent really as I am not sure what to next and don't want anyone in RL to know.It's a long story but my dad I stopped speaking 5 years ago after a fall out - there's two sides to every story and all that but he had been insulting to my husband and I on several occassions -disinterested in me in general. There is a whole background to it which I can't go into here but my parents divorced when I was very young and as a result things were hard at times. Anyway, I often think of him and in many ways feel sad for him- he had a pretty desperate childhood and has not had the best life. Well I have just sent him an email - I dont even know why - I had tears rolling down my face as I typed it and it felt the right thing to do.I worded in such a way that it was ' here is a pic of the DCs, I often think of you and wish you well' rather than let's meet and make amends (not sure I could).DH won't be happy when I tell him and neither will my mum as she despises him.But he's my dad. He was a great dad when I was young (or so I thought) but became less so when I got older. Our relationship has been strained since my late teens and just got to the point where I wanted out. He is married to a particularly unpleasant woman whom I want nothing to do with. If we were to have any type of relationship it would have to be carefully negotiated. My DH wouldnt care if he dropped dead tomorrow and I think pretty much the same thing of my stepmother. Oh heck what can of worms have I opened?

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 22/12/2011 22:02

A can of worms that your conscience needed you to. He is still your dad and i would do anything to even be able to have known or be able to remember mine, i cant he died when i was very young. You have the chance to have some relationship with him and you should take it. I would await a reply though before you bring it up as it could cause problems unnecessarily!

dustlandfairytale · 23/12/2011 06:30

It sounds to me like you have done the right thing, and worded it in the right way. You sound like a very nice person to have done that. I agree with Ellen above, dont say anything to anyone for now, it could be misinterpreted if emotions run that high by the family you do have contact with. You have just made a little gesture of reconciliation and they might not see it as such. Good luck with it.

mumblechum1 · 23/12/2011 06:32

I think you did the right thing. It would be unreasonable of your husband to object to you having at least an arms length relationship with your dad.

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