moral dilemma - long sorry

[wannaBe1974]

I have a friend who I?ve known for some time and who has somewhat of a reputation for developing feelings for women, and then when the relationship gets a bit serious he gets scared and runs away. He doesn?t do it deliberately, he?s just a bit of a commitment phobe if you get my meaning. He?s recently taken up with a girl and he claims that this time she?s the one. I was somewhat doubtful at first but he seemed genuine, even talked about the possibility of marriage. He?s never cheated on his partners before, just got cold feet and then ended the relationships. It got to a point in his life where he actually said he wasn?t going to start another relationship because of how they always ended up, but he met this girl and things seemed to be going well. He?s been totally honest with her about his past and although some of his friends have tried to warn her he?s told her that it?s different this time and that she?s the one. Then at new year he went on holiday and met up with some friends for new year, and he slept with one of them. He now says that he likes her as well as the other girl but he?s hoping that once he sees this other girl again the relationship will just be back on track so she need never know. Now this is my dilemma, this girl is a friend of mine, not a close friend, but we are aquainted. Her and her fiancé broke up about 6 months ago because he had had an affair, and now she thinks that my friend is the answer to her problems. I really think that she should be told, but I heard the story from another friend of his who swore me to secrecy. How can I tell her without braking a confidence?

I wouldnt say anything tbh. Maybe I am a wuss but I wouldnt think it was any of my buisness...

You could drop the subtlest of hints, but it sounds like she hasn't listened to those in the past so not sure it would make any difference now.

To be honest, I would just leave it. It doesn't sound like she's a close enough friend to take it well from you anyway.

Maybe she actually has a need to be with someone who's a bit commitment phobic, seeing as she's on the rebound from a serious relationship (ok, not to the point of being cheated on, but maybe there's more in it for her than it might seem?)

If she is the one he might just fess up you could try calling his bluff saying something like i bet you had a right time over new year see if the conversation develops.
Maybe it is a personal test of his to double check she is the one -I dont know why some men and women feel they need to get this out of their system!

That's a good point actually Joanne and I think that if I said that he would actually tell me. He's a good friend, I helped him through a major depression a couple of years ago and he generally does tell me most things. think he feels he can talk to me in that sense because I am married and therefore he knows that nothing more than friendship is expected on my part. I think he's a nice guy but just because I think he's a good friend etc doesn't mean I approve of the way he acts. I still don't think this girl is "the one", and she certainly isn't if he's not going to come clean to her about having cheated on her already, but I guess it's also a case of them having to sort things out on their own.