No sex since conception - and baby is now 10 months old....

[Theo1982]

I'm hoping for lots of advice as this is the first time I've ever posted on a forum and I'm desperate for help. My husband and I have been together for 14 years (only married for the last 4) and we had a beautiful baby boy in February of this year. Problem is our sex life has died - big time. I'm suffering with postnatal depression and trying to sort my issues out, but I'm just never in the mood and can't see this changing. Has anyone been through this? How can I make it change? I'm worried I'll push him away if this doesn't change soon. Help!

I was blown away recently by something I read... We're taught that sex should run as follows: desire, arousal, sex.... But it can also run: arousal, desire, sex..

So if you want to be intimate with your DH, you can be, even if you don't feel like it to start with. Chances are once you get going you'll get into it. Physical arousal triggers desire.

It'll take a bit of a mental kick up the bum to do it, but it is possible.

I've been saying that on here for years ladymedea, problem is that nobody ever comes back to say if they've tried it or if it actually has worked for them.
I don't see why it's thought of as such a radical departure from the normal train of thought, seems fairly obvious to me.
Sex helps with all forms of depression, the release of endorphins following orgasm equates to almost one dose of valium.

Definitely works for me, but I should have taken much more of my own medicine.

i think if everyone waited until they were 'in the mood' then it would be difficult to sync up. I am an afternoon person - but sadly dp and i have to work. So if i know we haven't had sex in a while i either get in the mood (as does he) by looking at/reading stuff that turns us on - either alone or together - or i just fake it for a bit and before you know it i'm not faking it anymore.

I suffer from depression and the old meds put me right off sex, but i also missed it, so i knew i had to be firm with myself.

I think you have to force yourself to get into it until you get back into the routine as well. The more you have, the more you want ;)

And try adding fun. i know it's a cliche, but try new toys/outfits/locations etc

It's use it or lose it, honey, but just as it is once you've learned to ride a bike, you always remember how to do it.

Start by arousing yourself when you're alone in the shower or bath just to make certain that the equipment is in working order; if you start today your Christmas cracker may have a surprising bang and, who knows, maybe your beautiful ds will have a sibling in 2012.

Big thanks to everyone - appreciate your replies. Hubby may be getting a better Christmas present than he hoped for ; ). Great to know you're not alone in things like this.

Well things didn't go quite as I'd hoped over Christmas - I was so stressed I spent more time wanting to kill poor hubby than give him a hug! We finally sat down and had that incredibly awkward conversation about what was (or wasn't as the case may be) going on. I decided to give it a go and that night we finally managed to do it. Its been a bit slow since then, but I'm glad we've managed to get passed this. Thanks again for everyone's help!