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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me stop being so paranoid

9 replies

HonestImNotATroll · 21/12/2011 16:21

This may sound a bit strange, and I've name changed as I'm quite embarrassed about it Blush, but I have this overwhelming fear that DP is going to die. He drives for an hour to work every week day, it's not a dangerous drive and he is a careful driver but I get so worried that he'll crash that I make him text me when he gets there every day to make sure he's safe, and if he doesn't get in touch or he's home late I start to panic and think he's been in a crash.

I was the same with my last partner too, my DS's dad, and I always worried that something had happened to him on the way home (he didn't drive so it isn't connected to a fear of driving), and if I couldn't get in touch with him I'd immediately fear the worst.

My father died when I was a baby and my mother had a string of boyfriends afterwards usually lasting a couple of years that I'd get attached to before she would split up with them and would always get drunk and tell me how awful it was being left as a single parent, I think this has obviously had an affect on me as now I'm convinced that my partner is going to die but I don't know how to stop worrying about it. Even just reading this back sounds really daft sorry, but I'm worried about it ruining my relationship as my partner gets a dozen frantic calls and texts from me if he's a bit late or too busy with work to reply, he just says I need to stop worrying but I don't know how.

OP posts:
misty0 · 21/12/2011 16:28

Sympathies.

I have this too! Blush It doesnt bother my OH to give me a quick ring or text at all, but the trouble is once its routine for them to do it and something trivial means they cant for some reason, it automaticly starts alarm bells in my head then.

Maybe someone can tell us both how to stop being numpties Grin

Saturdaynightbeaver · 21/12/2011 16:32

I too am a numpty! I've always had this fear - my parents went out at the weekend (they're in their 70s now) to friends and I couldn't settle until I knew then were safe and sound - they only had a 20 minute drive. Not connected to them being in their 70s either - I had this fear when they were much younger. I think my son is going to die every time he goes out in a car - he's 19. I am usually a calm, calculated person and would never dream of saying this in the RW, but now that you've raised it in this thread....

Original poster
HonestImNotATroll · 21/12/2011 16:40

Maybe it is actually really common, just noone wants to admit it!

OP posts:
Kayano · 21/12/2011 16:43

I only have A fear of him dying when he has gone on a night out

He is a big fella and once years ago trying to be a good Samaritan tried to break up a fight. Got punched and the
Police came and hit him because he was 'the biggest'

!

He was so annoyed and even they said sorry but now I have a total fear that he is going to die trying to help someone

Blush
Saturdaynightbeaver · 21/12/2011 16:54

Again... would never go along these lines in the RW but I was actually an identical twin and lost my sister at birth. Wonder if there is anything deep-rooted here. Outwardly I would dismiss this as a load of old twaddle!

PlumpDogPillionaire · 21/12/2011 17:00

Separation anxiety - I have it too! Blush

You need to be ruthlessly rational with yourself or immerse yourself in being really busy as soon as you get the queasy feeling. And remember that jelly-wobbling, teeth-chattering anxiety is quite unendearing and potentially destructive to others as well as yourself. It's also a habit which creeps back again and again over the years as it seems to be really deep rooted. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you're all grown up now and obliged to be rational.

misty0 · 21/12/2011 17:27

Oh its weird isnt it? I have no good explanation for why i get this, like a past trauma or anything.

Reading this thread has reminded me of something i'd long forgotten though. At age 11 or 12 i went through an awful phase of thinking my parents would die. I never said anything to anyone about it. It was bad enough that i would go to lengths not to move something my mum had recently touched or put down in my room in case it was bad luck. Almost OCD. It only lasted a few months. God i havnt thought of that in years!

Got it again when i moved in with my ex, in my late teens. It wore off after a couple of years.

Have it now with my OH, like i said.

I have 3 DDs and i worry about their safety, obviously, but dont have the same morbid fear as i do with OH. It sounds mental but the fact i've had this before and nothing happened eases my mind that its not a premonition or anything - its just me being bonkers Grin

misty0 · 21/12/2011 17:30

I dont have the 'not moving something he's touched' thing or anything with my OH, btw. Just the thoughts of a crash Sad

busybusybust · 21/12/2011 17:46

I had this too - if they were half an hour late home - I had them in the mortuary, all details sorted, and me in floods of tears - it was almost like real grief.

Well, with 4 teenagers, I was beginning to go insane - so something had to give. I learned to push 'those' feelings into a box in my mind and firmly slam the door. I did this by resolutely forcing myself to think of something pleasant - hard at first, but then it becomes a habit. Try it, it works.

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