No contact from SIL

[Daisybell1]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this so please bear with me.

I have 1 SIL who I've met once, about 14 months ago. DP and I had DC1 this autumn, we let her know of baby's arrival but had no response. A Christmas card arrived signed from her but not addressed to anyone

We've sent a nice card with a framed baby footprint and a photo, and again, no response.

How long do we keep trying? DP is really upset as both their parents have passed away so she's his closest relation. He accepts that they aren't close but is taking it really personally that she won't acknowledge the babe.

Any advice gratefully received!

The clue is that your DP isn't close to her, and you've only met her once. She's not going to be falling over herself to 'acknowledge' a child of people she never sees and has no relationship with.
If your DP is upset about this, then he needs to build a relatioship with her as his sister first, and then about her as an aunt - you don't get the second without the first. And that needs to be in person or by phone -emailing/facebooking (although fb can make you feel part of someones life more if you try) isn't going to cut it

You cannot make her become wonderful SIL and devoted Aunt.

It could be that she is jealous.
It could be that there is a history in their family that as made her decide to cut herself free from the family ties.
It could be that she is utterly focused on her own life and has no room for others. This could change over the years though..

If you wish to send lovely cards and gifts to her, do so but don't do it with strings attached or expecting a response.

I know this sounds harsh but families are funny things. Has your DP spoken to her about how he feels?

No advice but

Fair points! There is some family history of jealousy/resentment on both their parts. He hasn't spoken to her about how they both feel about various things, I'll encourage him to get in touch more, rather than it being me, and see if she wants to.

Thanks!

Sorry to be mean (i really don't mean to be), but my sister (who i am not close to and see about once a year at my parents house if her visit just happens to overlap mine) sends me 'nice cards' (i think they are mawkish and ott and totally unreflective - is that even a word? - of the reality of our relationship) and pics of her children and tbh i don't care.

Not because i hate kids or anything, but they just mean nothing to me. It smacks me as really odd that people send others - who have made it clear they aren't interested - pics of their children.

Sorry, but i'm really not interested in virtual strangers kids.

Don't mean to sound harsh but this is just my experience.

Is there any reason for their estrangement?

I appreciate your point of view Spuddy. I've probably over-compensated so that we wouldn't be accused of leaving her out. There is an aunt who will interrogate us over what we have sent, and will interrogate her on her on her response. I didn't know if long enough had passed for her to be clearly not interested. If she's binned them then so be it.

The estrangement goes back several years to the death of their parents and resentment over the will and the division of assets.