Relationship over. Sanity check please.....

[Rebekmah]

Hi, after finding out abut 2nd affair in 18 months, I have ended relationship with ExP. This kicked off 10 days ago. We have agreed to keep things as normal as possible for DCs until Xmas over. He has already found a room to rent. I have been angry since I found out, which I think has kept me going. Anyway last night he came home after speaking to a friend (Female, married 1 x kid, expert on EVERYTHING) and started talking about the relief of not having to lie to me anymore and that I should accept that I had a part to play in his infidelity as I've been too busy for him over the last year (2 x DCs, work etc). My anger has given way to intense sadness, as it feels as if he can't wait to move on and now he's turning some of the blame on me. I've been a SP before and I know what lies ahead. I feel so crap, pathetic and lonely. Just needed to get it out there. Thanks x

Oh Rebek, he is blaming you to ease his own guilt.
You did not play a part in his infidelity, that was all his (and the OWs ) work.
Both responsible for the relationship but the affairs were his own weak way of dealing with things.
Good riddence to him , he so needs to grow up and take a long, hard look at himself.
Good luck to you and your little ones.

What an effing cheek-blaming you for him not keeping his dick in his pants. Get the anger back, he's an arse and you're well well rid. And remember, he may well "move on", but there's a high chance that it won't be his idea of paradise. Karma's a bitch.

I think you'll have to get ready to ride the emotional rollercoaster-you will feel sadness, of course you will, but think how you'd have felt if you stayed with this horrible disrespectful cheat. He'd have stolen your whole life from you if you stayed together.

He chose an affair rather than talking to you and working on your relationship.Relationships need commitment from both of you!

His choice, his fault.

Hope you find peace and joy (a bit seasonal?) in your new life.

What an ASH for laying the blame on you!

Well, that says it all about him, eh?

(When you point the finger you always have three pointing at yourself)!

Of course you are going to feel angry, sad, etc. It's the end of a relationship (and dream) so you are in mourning. Be gentle on yourself.

Remember, you are chosing your own and your kids' happiness over a lifetime of lies, cheating and disrespect. Good for you!

I'm a single parent myself - such peace! - it's always preferable over constant suspicion with another....

Oh, and I would have a STD check by the way...

OMFG! It is not your fault. If he didn't feel you had enough time for him, the adult thing would have been to discuss that, not jump in and out of bed with multiple women.

It is not your fault. He is a *** and you are well rid. There is someone out there that will be the man you deserve - but this is not him.

I have the greatest respect for you, kicking him in to touch (something I should have done also with my DH).

The rollercoaster will be emotional but you know that the end product, peace of mind, is priceless.

Good luck and remember that for every low day there will lots of high days in the future.

You are happy I presume to spend christmas with him rather than it being his choice - cake and eat it?

He's already re writing history...what a twat!

He chose to resolve things by having affairs, without a thought for his precious family - the decision was entirely his!! He can't even take responsibility for his selfish cheating actions.

You and your DCs deserve so much better.

Thank you all. I'm letting him stay for Xmas as DS is 7 and DD is 18mths, I dont want this to mess up something they have been looking forward to. While I'm feeling a bit braver, any advice on what to tell DS when Exp goes?!

Be gentle and honest with them. Say he still loves them very much but has made the decision to live with OW.

What's with all the ''s'? The guy's an ARSEHOLE and I think you're a saint for letting him stay over Christmas.

I'd be soooo tempted to stick some laxatives in his brandy butter

Oh they all do this, honestly they do.

My ex had his first affair when I was 9 months pregnant and we were at the height of happiness. We had loads of money and I had gone on Maty Leave so was spending all day, every day tending to his every need. Yet when it came out it was all because we weren't having sex enough and he didn't feel "ready" to be so settled. Well that's not how I remember it. No one could have pretended to be as happy as he clearly was.

I don't actually buy into this idea that you won't be unfaithful if your relationship is good. I think some people will be unfaithful just because the opportunity arises and they are pretty sure they won't get caught.

It's not you, it really isn't but think of it this way, if you had done what he had done, would you be able to face what an awful person you were? Or would you be looking for a bit of justification? It's human nature.

Your first emotion of anger is the right one, but you can't control what he thinks so don't let his excuses and extremely flimsy self justification control how you feel. Honestly I so get how you feel though I really do.

Hotchoc - Latest is a single mum with 3 year old, she not looking for anything more than fun, which makes me feel sooooo much better.
Tallwiv - Dont tempt me ;)
Thanks aka, you're right, both affairs "stopped" because I found out (men are such crap liars) it wasn't because he had an attack of conscience or anything. I feel so sad for the kids. I want to keep their world secure and he has just been having cake and eating it.