supposedly i have mental health issues

[hereweare2011]

everytime dh and i argue this old chestnut comes out from him - i find it extremely disprespectful - i may add there is nothing wrong with my mental capacities! i recall they said this about princess diana - its pretty convenient isnt it - but i am still so hurt by him saying this to me so constantly

Well, do you? Is he referring to a specific diagnosis that you don't agree with, or just his suspicions that you do?

Have you suggested he has mental health issues to be constantly accusing you of having them? I would flip it.

If you haven't got any it is terriblly disrespectful and will wear you down. What if you started to believe him? That is abuse IMO designed to make you back down and question yourself.

I would ask him which specific illness he thinks it is and then tell him exactly why he is out of order and full of shit

If however you have an illness you are not treating (such as my SIL bi polar that she chucks her
Meds
For) ....

However I think he is just a twat

He doesn't sound a very pleasant individual.

Does he roll out the old chestnut because he can see it hurts you?

If so, adopt an 'am I bovvered' attitude, laugh good-humouredly, and say something such as 'yes, I obviously have some mental health issues otherwise I wouldn't have married you' or 'living with you would be enough to send anyone into an asylum' - you get the gist.

Turn it into a joke and make sure the yolk's on him.

What an utter, utter arsehole.

Does he bring up the 'mental health issues' when you agree with him?

And what 'issues' is referring to?

Next time you're about to do something nice for him, stop yourself dead in your tracks, check yourself, refer to said 'mental health issues' and go away and do something different.

Seriously, point out to him that MH issues are very often a reaction to intolerable experience, not an inherent characteristic of the person suffering them. And that they don't necessarily cloud judgment/reasoning faculties.

Get him to look at information from e.g. MIND.
Point out to him some powerful (male) MH sufferers (Winston Churchill, perhaps?)

Undermining, belittling, controlling..... not acceptable behaviour. Tell him how it makes you feel and that you will not tolerate it. If he says it again, end the conversation and leave the room.

This is classic emotional abuse- telling the other person they are "mad" or have MH issues
Look at Women's Refuge site for a list of what abusers ddo- it's not all physical.

Is he a mental health professional?

If he is, then he may have a point.

If he is not then he is an emotionally abusive fuckwit.

maybe he is worried about your mental health

when you are in the midst of mental health problems. its very difficult to be objective. How many people do we know who we label with mental health problems yet they would never recognise it in themselves

Actually, having (sort of) suggested them myself, alongside other posters, I feel I have to add that the risk you run with 'humorous' or indirect responses to the 'MH issues' bullying put-down approach (which is a roundabout way of plugging ears and shouting 'lalala, I can't hear you'), is that anything you do is then recieved as evidence of your 'instability'.
So where as an irreverent response from the gaslighting dickhead who's trying to argue that he's sane and you're not would simply require that you 'lighten up', the same from you would be irrational, inappropriate, etc.

Yeah, tell him that if he's really so convinced that your 'MH issues' are such an issue, then he should get some education about living with and supporting someone with MH issues.

thanks for the responses glad some got my jist that no im not mentally ill and of course he isnt an expert on the subject matter - its left a bad taste in my mouth the more i think of it - i do see it as abusive and it always stops me in my tracks

gaslighting

i hear what youre saying PlumpDogPillionaire - being told you are mentally ill during arguments effectively means any response you make makes you look nuts - its actually quite mean the more i think about it

XH said (in front of the DCs, naturally) that he had been discussing my "psychosis" with the GP, and that he had found the medication I took for it. The former claim was untrue, and the latter referred to an old packet of pills I'd been prescribed for a brief attack of vertigo. One of the ingredients used to be given in very strong doses for certain mental conditions, decades ago, according to his little blue book.

I did have depression though - expect you can guess why. The solicitor was more help than the GP in curing it.

My sister's ex threw Thai chestnut at her when they argued...she didn't realise how much impact it was having until they split up. He was later admitted to hospital....with mental Heath issues. If he's doing it to upset you and not because he's concerned for your well being, then this is abusive behaviour.

Threw that chestnut....dunno what a Thai chestnut is?!

Despite the abundance of ladyboys in Thaland, there are men who use the Thai equivalent of the old chestnut when putting down their spouses/partners.

Similarly, there are French, Polish, Mongolian, Chinese, Indonesian, Argentinian, Canadian, et al chestnuts - name the nationality and you'll find men playing conkers with mental health allegations against women.

he does it to invalidate your side of things and therefore it is abusive. is he controlling in other ways?

All abusers use this line...it's dead common.

It was my abusers fatal mistake though....as I went to seek help for my "insanity" I was told by the health pro's that I was in an abusive relationship, and that it was HIM that had the problem.

And oh boy, does HE now have a problem. NO HOME, NO WIFE, NO FAMILY, NO WORK, NO FRIENDS, AND CAN'T SHOW HIS FACE AT EITHER SCHOOL OR IN OUR VILLAGE.

Your h needs to "think on", before opening his abusive gob.

Yup...another "mad" woman here, my OH likes this one as he can vary the diagnosis for the occasion, and if the children are in the room than it's really a golden day for him.

Somehow it seems less likely to be true now he is no-longer in my space/bed/head/heart........!

Definitely you should challenge this put down as disrespectful and unacceptable at the least. Hope that's where it stops and the rest of his behaviour is not questionable????

Yes, my complete cock of an ex used that too.
One of the vast selection of reasons why I left him.
To my astonishment I eventually met a man who could have a reasonable discussion without namecalling or ridiculous accusations.

He's bloody fantastic! :)

yes didnt take long till the chestnut came out - 2 minutes into a row after stating i was the reason my baby son cries so much seems i spoil him - someone get me out of here

You can do it. You will do it. Today is the day you start making plans. He'll think you really have gone crazy when you start smiling to yourself instead of crying.

I don't know how old your kids are but to show how silly/idiotic claims he makes is that GP can't discuss anything with anyone about medical conditions of the said person.

He is gaslighting you sweetheart.

Turn the tables and use withdrawal reinforcement. As soon as he suggests something controversial or argumentative - leave the room. Go outside and round the block or lie down on the bed and close the door, or lock yourself in the loo for 10 mins. Leave the kids with him. If you keep doing it he'll get the idea that you won't engage on this childlike level.

Ask him how you can spoil a baby? Have you bought it a Ferrari?

I suspect it's not your dc that's a spoilt baby. How long are you going to tolerate this op?