So how long to leave the sex thing? Am I being a prude?

[BoratsGal]

It's been a while (a LONG LONG while) since I've done the dating thing and I've found I really don't have a clue what the norm is. Help me analyse this please -

We met through work, had a chat, laughed lots, exchanged numbers - that was the meeting.

1st date he called and asked if I wanted to go to a nice little pub for dinner one evening. I agreed and said I'd meet him there, despite him offering to pick me up (well I hardly know the guy, he could be a nutter for all I know! was I being too careful here?) The night went really well, obvious spark there so we arranged date 2.

2nd Date - cinema. He offered to pick me up but he would have had to pass the cinema to get to my house. Therefore I said I'd meet him there. He bought the tickets, I insisted on buying the food (although he said he would buy it all had I let him). Had a great night, went for a drink in the bar afterwards, he hugged me in the car park afterwards and then we went our separate ways.

3rd Date - piss up a few drinks on saturday night. Neither of us were driving so I met him there again. Had a great night, lots of fun, loads in common, I really like him, its apparant he really likes me. We stayed out until midnight, had a little kiss and he got me a taxi home.

4th date - he called and asked if I wanted to go to his house, he would cook us a meal, get a bottle of wine, watch a movie. I agreed. At this point I'm thinking about sex, unsure where I stood on it and assumed I'd know at the time. Was I naive here? is it obvious sex was a part of this night? So I got there, we had a drink, he cooked a lovely meal, we watched a movie, half way through we started to kiss, he started to try and take it further (wandering hands) and I realised I was leading him on a bit and backed off. It was a bit awkward. He asked me if I was on the pill, I said no (true). He got us another drink. We started kissing again a bit later on and he asked me if I wanted to stay the night. I'm not ready and said "maybe next time?" and he seemed fine with this.

He's been fine since and we're going out thursday night. What I'm wondering is, am I being a dick tease here? what is the norm? Is HE being totally normal in this? Is it normal for him to ask about the pill etc so early on? Or is 4th date not early on these days?

Saying no until you are ready does one of two things.

Either it makes him think "Frigid prick-tease! What a waste of time and money" and what kind of loss would he be? None!

Or he thinks "Oh, I thought I was on there! but now I reeeeaaallly fancy her!"

I would say that as you are seeing him again, he is thinking the latter :)

I agree that it will only make him more passionate, if he is interested in you as a person. If he's just after sex, then he'd get annoyed or bored quickly which is better to find out now then later (even though painful) - but if he does wait, it will be so rewarding! Why not get to know him (and his attitude to you) first, as you were hurt in the past? the time to do it is when you REALLY feel like burning with passion. you are not a teenager, experimenting.

It all sounds lovely for you, i hope whatever you do you can savour every minute and try not to be anxious. I know its easier said than done!

Only go ahead with it when you feel its the natural thing to do,there must be no pressure put on you, both of you can have an exciting time just kissing & cuddling until you are ready to go all the way. He wont explode if you keep him waiting until you want to take it to the next level.