Sister has sent an 'emotive' letter to my dd

[unicorn]

As some of you may know I have had various (big)fallouts with my family over the last couple of years.
It has left me with limited contact with them, but tbqh that suits me - as they don't seem to think a great deal of me.

Anyway my sister has just sent my dd (age 6) a letter, telling her all about her Xmas, New year and ending it "I hope I can see you again soon"

Now, if my sister wanted to sort things out then surely she should be going through me, not using my dd?

I think that is what I am waiting for avalon- but my personal fear (with the nspcc stuff) is that she is 'exorcising her demons' on me... ie she had a bad upbringing(mum hit her) and seems to be using me as a 'generic' mother figure IYSWIM.

Bit too psychobabbly.. sorry.

dd (and ds, but sis only seems interested in dd) don't really seem to miss her.

They used to like her coming to visit - she basically bought them pressies, and let them do what they wanted - but given that she hasn't been here for 6 months now they don't appear to be too bothered.

I don't know what the background is either, but imo any adult who interracts with your children ought to be one who is supportive of you and your parenting.

The reason MIL's, exes etc. cause so much fury and resentment, is that they are often a very important part of a child's life, and yet they undermine the authority of its primary carer, which is why the incandescent rage people have against those particular relatives is so much keener than against any other random adult. If any other person showed blatant disrespect for us in front of our children, we wouldn't give them house-room.

Your sister has the potential to be as influential a figure in your child's life as a grandmother or a father, without the same moral or legal right to be there imo. If I had an adult in my life who wanted to have close contact with my children and didn't actually have a legal right to have that contact, I would insist on them having respect for me. And I think the minimum you can expect in terms of your sister showing you respect, is that she talks to you directly. (Which doesn't stop you making contact first, if she is somehow unable to.)

Caligula, that probably sums the whole thing up.. Respect (are you Tony Blair?)

Fact is,I don't think she does respect me (or dh for that matter)and,no,she isn't supportive, but is highly critical.

I think I will steer clear of her until I am feeling strong enough to deal with her.

If we could get to the point of having a sensible family discussion without resorting to being childish then perhaps we could achieve change.

Unfortunately I don't see that as imminent.