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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

anyone else got one who does this

8 replies

mycherubs · 19/12/2011 11:03

dh who leaves house without telling me or even saying goodbye, expects to have loads of 'alone' time at weekends even though we have two children under 3 who need attention, doesnt really listen ie have to relay a conversation 3 times before it sinks in, always seems to focus on his needs ... frustrated today can you tell

OP posts:
DoesNotGiveAFig · 19/12/2011 11:18

No. That's just rude let alone anything else it implies!

Arana · 19/12/2011 11:20

Totally out of order - he needs to stop thinking he's a teenager, and take responsibility for himself and his family.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 19/12/2011 11:21

I used to have one of those.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/12/2011 11:22

Nope. Mine is not like that at all

LilRedWG · 19/12/2011 11:24

DH sometimes does the conversation thing, but he's always been like that (in junior school the teacher sent him to have his hearing tested as she thought he was hearing impaired). If he did any of the others frequently I'd be saying goodbye.

ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 19/12/2011 11:26

I have one who occasionally tries that (especially the alone time) but is rapidly learning that it is Not On. I do 'let' him out for a game of golf at least once a week & encourage him to go to the gym after LO is asleep though because he's a much better partner & dad when he's had some time out. Have you discussed it? What does he say?

tigermoll · 19/12/2011 11:28

Sounds like he's pretty detached from family life, - sees you and the children as a separate unit from himself, and that he can just do as he pleases.

Has he always been like this, or has it changed/got worse since having children?

fiventhree · 19/12/2011 11:33

Not quite, but a few similarities in the past. Always in the home office at weekends, then football on TV loads, out alot of evenings, even though it was roughly work related. He was impossible to persuade re spending time with me and kids, and clearly saw us as ' me plus you' , rather than us.

This went on in increasing amounts for several years after we had kids. I worked ft as well, and he left nearly all of the child/home stuff to me, and had lots of excused why he couldnt etc etc.

Finally in the summer I was ready to divorce him, and he persuaded me to stay. BUT three weeks later I discovered his 5 year internet sex habit, with help from mumsnet- he had made me believe that photos of women on his computer were accidentally downloaded with music.

That was a real breaking point in our relationship, at the end of September. I moved into the spare bedroom, and he sorted out a relate appointment. In the first week there he practically collapsed, calling himself a 'terrible husband and not much better father'. He admitted the internet infidelity. Within 7 weeks we had sorted ourselves out, and relate thought so too, but only because he has chosen to radically reexamine his life and motivations and also to talk about his feelings. He is also making stunning efforts to make me feel better about the internet stuff, and has taken complete responsibility for it.

Not sure what this tells you, but you can definitely take out of it that your h is not communicating with you about his FEELINGS, and if he could you may be able to sort things out. My h wishes we had gone to relate years ago, and bitterly regrets both the infidelity and the fact I didnt catch him out earlier.

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