Help Needed I've had the year from hell should I take anti depressants

[steelchic]

Hi I really need advice on AD's.
I've posted my story over the past year and I thought I was doing ok, breif background.

Married to H for 10 years together 14. 3 DC'S (25yrs - mine from prev relationship, 12 yrs & & years)

Feb this year I found out by accident that my H had rented a house and was planning to leave me. I found out when he was abroad on business trip, so basicly he didn't come back to the family home from the trip, he went to his rented house. I then found out he was living with the OW, he always denied ther was someone else. I also found this out for myself.We went to counciling - as he down played his relationship with OW and I hoped we could get back together. Fast forward to August I find out he has left his rented house, bought a house a couple of miles from family home and she is Pregnant (due Jan). He didn't have the guts to tell me any of this and I was totally deveatated.

I felt I was doing ok I am heartbroken and I have cried nearly every day since he left. I still love him (or the guy he was) but I know he is not the man I married, he is now a selfish spineless coward and I could never take him back - even if he wanted to come back (which he dosen't). I've tried to be strong for my DC's.
Then another unexpected blow, my mum died last month, It was very sudden I feel so guilty as I used to see my mum most days but this year it's been so difficult with my situation and I only saw her a couple of times each week (she was 80 and had mild dementia) when I did see her it was to do her shopping, house work, bath etc. I did not spend much time just chatting etc. Also when she was ill- we thought it was just a virus and it was just over the course of a week I hadn't seen her much as I was busy with work/kids, maybe if I had been more focused on her I would have known she was in a bad way and got her to hospital, instead I left it to my brother and her home helps, but they didn't know her the way I did.
Everything is just getting on top of me and Christmas is making it worse. I always had my whole family over for dinner.
This year I've lost my H and my mum. I don't know how I'm going to handle things when his baby is born I've pushed this to the back of my mind but I can't for much longer.
I just keep bursting into tears at random times, it just comes from nowhere.
I'm a mess. H and I are amicable for the sake of our DC's but its so hard. He says he understands how I feel but how can he, his family have not been supportive to me at all and his parents can't see what he has done to me and are looking forward to the birth of their new grandchild.
What do I do, would Anti D's help me get through this?
I would be grateful for any advice

Sorry for rambling x

If you are suffering from depression they will help you, your first port of call is to the doctor.

anti depressants arent going to change whats happened, they wont make it all go away - you need to find a way to accept and cope with the situation

but as fabby said, only your GP can decide on the best course of treatment for you

I would say no, don't take them. You are going through an awful time, but you will get through it. Do you have any support IRL?

I agree with discussing things with your gp.

While your circumstances sound dreadful (hugs), anti-ds will only alleviate depression iyswim.

There are lots of on-line questionaires that you could do to see if you are/might be - then you would have something to discuss with your gp.
Like this - www.webmd.com/depression/depression-symptom-quiz

My GP has been realy good I saw her a couple of months ago, I told her I didn't want to go on to Anti D's but that was before my mum died. I will make an appointment tomorrow to have another chat with her. I don't know if i'm depressed but I know I can't go on feeling like this, I have been crying all day. Everyone thinks I'm so strong even my GP but I think i've been in denial I have a bit of support in RL but I'm not the type to phone friends in tears everytime i feel upset, they all have their on problems

Don't worry about crying on your friends, even if they have their own stuff, they love you and I'm sure would want to support you.

Even though you've got good reason to be so sad ADs might help take the edge off the really overwhelming bits of it. Have an honest chat with your GP I'm sure they'll see you right.

Even if you both decide ADs aren't for you it might be worth taking something herbal like Kalms, not sure if they do much physiologically but just taking something sometimes makes me feel better. Be careful with St Johns wort though as that's strong stuff!

Steelchic - I think it's quite like that you do have depression, as depression is almost always about loss and you have had two very significant losses. You are talking of crying all day and that is a symptom of depression. Glad you are seeing the GP. ADs won't make everything right again, but they may "get you off the floor" so to speak and take the edge off things.

As far as the losses are concerned I really think you should think of therapy/bereavement counselling. You may need meds to enable you to make use of the therapy. I'm not sure what is on offer on the NHS and it is usually 6 sessions of CBT, which may help, but it is about the "here and now" whereas you need to be helped to come to terms with your losses. Youwon't necessarily "get over" the losses but with good therapy they canbe made more manageable.

In 1995 my best and closest friend died (6 weeks from diagnosis to funeral) at age 46 and I suffered a severe depressive episode (in psych ward for 3 months) but because I seemed to make a complete recovery, I didn't have any counselling about the loss of my friend, which left an enormous hole in my life. I so wish I had as my grief got stuck and caused me lots more problems.

Steelchic - I feel very sad for you .

In the short-term, yes AD's can help you keep it together. They probably won't do any harm. I'm sure your doctor will advise. Do tell him the truth though and stop trying to be so strong. He can also put you in contact with other forms of councilling to help you grieve for both situations and move on.

IMO you are not depressed, you are very understandably upset, sad, angry and grieving.
If it were me I'd prefer counselling rather than ADs, but as everyone has said, the GP will advise and it sounds like you have a goodun.
I really feel for you losing your mum so suddenly must have been a real shock and I'm not surprised that it's only just starting to really sink in now. It sounds like you really took care of her very well though and you must stop your self reproach. You could not have known that what is normally a minor illness would have the outcome that it did, and at such a good age it could have happened at any other time.
Your H (STBX?) sounds a lovely catch for the OW by the way. His industrial scale capacity for deceit would leave me continually anxious if I were her. TRy not to dwell on their child - it's nothing to do with you so ignore it as far as you can. Just focus on your DCs and having a lovely cosy Christmas together where you can relax and be at peace. Rest and plan some treats for yourself.

It's really worth trying to find someone to talk through things with. Gloom is so horrible, and intervention is so important. Depression can be very physical and anti ds can stop it in its tracks, and at least provide a space to deal with the psychological effects of what has been going on. I hope your gp wouldn't give you pills for something that wasn't wrong. Are you able to be kind to yourself?

Unfortunately people on the internet can't diagnose whether you've got depression or advise you whether anti-d's will help. As most posters say - your GP will be the best person to talk to about this.

You've had a really crap year, so it's not surprising that you're feeling as you are and bursting into tears. There's a difference between feeling down when there are life circumstances such as yours, and feeling down when life circumsances are stable, such as with endogenous clinical depression.

However crap life is, we often have an inbuilt capacity to deal with things, come to terms with them eventually, and to reach an emotional plateau. But I think we do this best by NOT hiding from our friends when we are down, and by NOT hiding our tears and our sadness and our anger. I've had some 'stuff' to deal with recently, and like you, I found myself bursting into tears unexpectedly (in the middle of a rock concert because they sang a song that touched me, or when a baby seal got stranded on a beach near to where I live). These things tell me that my emotions are raw. Like you I shy away from breaking down and becoming a complete mess infront of others. But I had a skype call with a friend a few weeks ago during which I sobbed for an hour and half - and she stills calls me . I also sometimes reach out to people when I'm down in a way that feels more safe for me - so I emailed my friend when I was very, very sad. I told her how I felt (when I could typr through the tears). It allowed me to be in touch, to not pretend that i was coping fine when I wasn't, yet to remain in control of the 'conversation' at a time when everything around me felt out of control.

I suppose what I'm saying is don't be an island, don''t isolate yourself. Maybe a rock never cries and an island feels no pain, but when we stop being the rock or the island, the hurt and sadness is still there. Treat yourself gently, recover slowly.