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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How often do you have ........it

24 replies

Slink · 08/11/2003 11:46

Hi i am just wondering how often people have sex. Dh says he just doesn't feel the urge but loves me etc etc, we have lots of cuddles etc but no foreplay and sex well i guess every six weeks. Thing is i want another baby. DD is 2.7 years and we were luck to have her after trying for 1 year. So i said to DH we need to have sex twice an week and he said am i trying to kill him... i mean what i'm 32 he is 39 i don't think it's his age he can get it up, but does not want to indulge, i know he loves me and that relationships are not based on sex but some would be nice. I have always been the most sexually charged one in the relationship.

Mens advice too please...
Rather long sorry.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 08/11/2003 12:19

What happens if you try to seduce him?

EmmaTMG · 08/11/2003 13:10

My Dh would have heart attack if I suggested twice a week too.....but for the opposite reason, he would love more but I haven't got the energy.
I agree with Soupdragon, try suducing him but try it when you know for sure you're ovulating when you DH's 'effort' will be most effective.
Alternativly I could always loan you my DH for a while, he's very cheap!!!

melsy · 08/11/2003 13:18

Once a year if I'm lucky !!! Seems as if women these days have the higher libido than the men, do we frighten them ???!!!! What about a rude film to get him in the mood, something sensuous but not vulgar???

fisil · 08/11/2003 20:22

Slink - do you also have the "I'm not doing it to order" thing? I'm managing to get once a month while ttc - by carefully picking my time to ask! I've found one strategically placed statement that tonight is the night gets a better response than a discussion or a series of requests. And subtle hints got me nowhere. Your post could have been written by me. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who is fundamentally content with a minimum of sex, but wouldn't say no to a little more!

magnum · 08/11/2003 20:25

I have the opposite problem. DH always up for it, I'm always tired. Maybe we should all try a bit of swapping

Chinchilla · 08/11/2003 21:55

Slink - I have the same problem as you, except mine just doesn't fancy me because I am overweight (Lost 16lbs so far though!!)

My suggestion is to lie next to him in bed if he is reading and to go for the obvious spot with a bit of 'attention' IYKWIM. Men usually can't resist when they are 'standing to attention' as it were! Sorry to be blunt.

SimonHoward · 09/11/2003 07:49

Slink

I have more than I used to but that was not difficult to do as my x2b and I rarely had it.

It used to be once every 6-10 weeks if I was lucky.

At 39 your DH should not be thinking that twice a week is a killer routine (oh for such a routine ).

handlemecarefully · 09/11/2003 09:33

Its a real problem isn't it - i.e. out of balance sex drives. I have it as little as possible (causing dh much angst) but give in every 3 or 4 (sometimes longer) weeks out of guilt.

You don't really need it twice a week to conceive a baby - just 2 or 3 times over your most fertile period. I know you would like it twice a week, but that is stepping it up quite considerably from your current batting average!

Original poster

Slink · 09/11/2003 11:26

Thank you for all the messages i feel better in knowing that others are going through the same hope you feel the same now too fisil.

Yep tried seducing him he said he wants to lead...
He does not like films...weird guy
Thank you for the offers of husbands.
I did say last night tonites your lukie night.. he went to bed at 9.30 said he was tired, but very cuddley this morning, but i had to refuse as i am fasting arhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm sure he new i would say no.
But hey so i don't need to do it that often to concieve well he will be sooooo plaesed to hear that

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 09/11/2003 14:21

If he's too tired at 9:30, take him to bed at 8:30 instead

sarahu · 09/11/2003 14:55

i think we should all swap too my dh is often up for it but I'm not.....
Slink if he goes to bed at 9.30 why not initiate it somewhere else before this?!?!?!

lou33 · 09/11/2003 14:55

I think there was another thread about this, I remember posting on it. I would like to do it daily but dh doesn't so it's a couple of times a week atm. It hasn't always been like this though, there have been long stretches of nothing at all in the years I have known him (I sometimes wonder how my youngest two were conceived,lol) , so it could all change for the better.

Chinchilla, having met you I am honestly shocked that you think you are overweight! You are gorgeous. I know if you feel bad about yourself though, other people's opinions don't really matter, but you are!

CONNEELY · 09/11/2003 17:27

I too have this problem,i would really like more sex and my dh is definatly up 4 it 24/7 but i just cant get in the mood,and when i do it is so painful.
We have only been married 3 months and if i had know i would be like this i wouldnt off said i do..
I always feel so guilty.

celandine · 09/11/2003 17:36

I'm the same. Dh rarely initiates sex and when he does I find it difficult to get interested. I think we've both got low sex drives and it is VERY frustrating at times, particularly in this age of the supposedly sexually liberated woman.

We usually have it once a fortnight, but at the moment is 4 months since ds was born and it was soooo painful last time I've given up again.

Original poster

Slink · 09/11/2003 19:55

I think i need help i had DD and i felt sooo randy after, it was DH that said i can't our DD has just come from there, that was a put off. I may have to get hold of these husbands of yours i am very faithful but who knows. He is so loving in other ways.

I have tried the lets go to bed early he would say theres something i want to watch, so i'd wait for him ha ha.

Oh god, just went to check on DD as she is in bed and he has been reading this,ha he has read all your comments and hopes that none of you live in West London area and said that we can have it tonite so goodnite girls i'm off to make that bed rock:0:0:0:0

OP posts:

Original poster

Slink · 09/11/2003 19:56

I have tried the lets go to bed early he would say theres something i want to watch, so i'd wait for him ha ha.

OP posts:

Chinchilla · 09/11/2003 20:47

Lou33 - Thanks for your lovely comment! I AM overweight though - officially. I weighed 11st 13lbs the first week at my diet club, and am only 5'3", which is way too high for my height. (Actually I'm just under tall, I should be 7'6" )

The thing is, dh has admitted that he is shallow, but that he just doesn't find me attractive at my size (I'm now 10st 11lbs as of last Tuesday night, at the club). He admits that he likes my personality and face, but that is not enough. Having said that, we have always had mis-matched libidos. My ADs have now brought mine down to his level, which at least has made me not miss sex too much

handlemecarefully · 10/11/2003 08:31

Slink,

You don't need help. I'm actually slightly envious - I wish I had a healthy sex drive like you!

Boot1 · 10/11/2003 09:29

Since the birth of our DS, our sex life is brilliant. We have always been very passionate with each other but of course kids always get in the way. I think that both of us are really relaxed this time round and neither feel under pressure. However, we do not always go the whole way and it is still as good. We are in tune with eachother. Don't get me wrong we have times when both of us are knackered and just want to crawl into bed but I think the key is really to make the effort for each other (if you can).

Original poster

Slink · 10/11/2003 20:32

Well got my filling last night, lets hope he's on a role.

Thanks for thae chat ladies, lets keep going though

OP posts:

lilibet · 10/11/2003 20:51

Chinchilla, well done on the fantastic loss! How are you doing it? Wish I had your determination and will power.
My ex once told me thta he wouldn't have sex with me until I did something to make myself more attractive, ie loose weight - at the time I was 9 3/4 stone and 5 ft 5!! Wish I was that now, ( 9 3/4 stone , I'm still 5ft 5!) but am getting loads of sex!!

M2T · 10/11/2003 21:36

Slink we are jsut about to start trying for No2 and we are the same as you. Every month or sometimes 3 months at a time with none! DH has a much lower libido than me, but since our ds ends up in bed with us every night it doesn't seem bother me too much.
But now I have a mission.

Good luck TTC.

Original poster

Slink · 11/11/2003 20:47

MT2 good luck i just have to wait and see if he scored this month. Having little ones in the bed is the bes contraceptive don't you think. DH doesn't mind DD getting into or bed in the morning, think thats just incase i jump on him..........................and i do at times. Am i a slut or what........

OP posts:

Chinchilla · 11/11/2003 22:51

Lilibet - Men! Your weight at that time was perfect for your height! My dh always manages to say something that is very subtle, but still gets the point across. He undermines me but does it in a way that, if I comment on it, he manages to say it was a joke, or wriggle his way out of it until I look like I took offence at nothing

As to the willpower, it's going strong at the moment. I am now 10st 9lbs at 5' 3". I want to get to 8st 7lbs, so still 2 stone to go I WILL get there though.

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