infatuated with someone at work - but have lovely guy of my own

[greeneyes747]

I've been seeing someone for almost a year and he's the sweetest guy in the world (started seeing him a year after 23 yr relationship finished). He's not my usual type ie he's considerate, unselfish, traditional. We have amazing sex, definitely his hidden talent (and a complete contrast to the crap sex I had in my marriage). My kids like him. The only problem is he's not challenging enough if that makes sense. He's always there for me, he hates to argue, he hates even to disagree about the news etc. I thrive on differences of opinion and love having a good old debate about something. He does make me feel tied down and I don't like that. But he's so sweet and I care about him.

Problem is, I'm becoming increasingly infatuated with someone at work. I've felt this way for over a year. I've not done anything about it, and wouldn't while I'm in a relationship. He is very different - opinionated, really wide interests, and at work we can sometimes talk for a couple of hours about something. If he's not in the office I feel disappointed, and if he is in I find excuses to be around him. I'm his boss which isn't ideal. I have had signals from him in the past that he might be interested but now I just can't tell.

Are my doubts about my own guy something I should pay attention to? Are my feelings for the guy at work my subconscious telling me that this isn't the relationship for me? What if I split from my guy and then I find out the one at work just isn't interested??

[Confused]... help??

hmm... sounds like you're bored and looking for a little excitement to me. If this is the case I think you should ignore the other guy and work on your relationship.

However, who are we to say that your current relationship is "meant to be". Only you know that. But I would say, if this guy wasn't in the picture would you really want out?

I think you're right Catherine. My guy is everything most people would want. But I'm not sure I'm ready to be the centre of someone's world. He wants to do everything for me/with me. He finds it hard that I spend time with friends and don't want to see him every day. He always wants to come too when I do see friends - thinks we should be together ALL the time. Guess I feel a bit suffocated. And yes, you're right about the excitement thing. You've got me thinking now.

My DH sounds like your DP... but I never feel suffocated by him and no-one else comes close to him...so I suppose if your dp was right for you, you wouldn't be having these negative feelings

But then again are you a self-sabatager? One of these people who always seems to chase what they cannot have and throws away what comes to easily with a strange desire to wreck the good they get?

Why do you need to be with someone? What difference does it make if you split and it doesnt work with the guy at work? Surely if you are not entirely happy that is the reason you should consider seperating.

Sounds like your inner voice saying your boyfriend might be great but he no longer does it for you.

Could this have been a "lick your wounds" transitional relationship.