BF advice needed

[reddaisy]

My BF is with a total twunt. Issues are too numerous to list here but he is definitely no good for her. They have split up and got back together a lot and now she is pregnant. She wants to keep it, he doesn't. She doesn't want to lose him and looks like she is going to abort it so she can keep him happy. She is in her thirties so this might be her chance to have a baby but I don't want to look like I am influencing her. Only good thing is that I suspect he will leave her for good once he has talked her into an abortion and at least she will hopefully be able to start over without him.

How can I help her apart from just being around to support her? I want her to make the right decision for her, not him but it is like she is brainwashed.

Can you suggest counselling re: the possible abortion so that she gets a chance to talk to someone who isn't you and isn't her boyfriend so that she is sure in her own mind about what she wants to do - and reassure her that you will support her whatever she decides.

Oh help! You can't do anything to make her make the right decision for her, she has to do it for herself. But I would be tempted, if you are very good friends, to tell her in kind but blunt terms what she is risking for this not very good man.

I know someone who did have an abortion for a similar-sounding twunt, he hung around for couple of years til she was pretty much too old to meet anyone else, left her and then married and had kids with someone else.

She must seek proper counselling before an abortion, because it is vital she puts her own views ahead of his. Could you talk her into counselling? I don't mean persuasive counselling either way, just support for her to make her own choice.

Good idea Mitro. Do they offer that routinely when people want an abortion? I know there were plans to make counselling compulsory. Her GP seemed nice but just said it was her decision. She hasn't told anyone else. I have got a newborn so I think my view is very pro-baby at the moment as well so that probably doesn't help her.

Suggest councilling.

I'd suggest she keep the baby and dump the twunt like I did

duvet, I have told her that I think they will split up anyway because I have picked up the pieces so much recently that I felt compelled to say it but she just can't see it.

I also explained that I think that abortions affect women more than men and his life will return to normal and she will always remember this. She has always been pro-choice in general terms but pro-life when we have discussed these kind of issues previously.

My biggest fear is exactly the one you describe but part of me also doesn't want her to have a tie for life to him as he is so odious. The time of year doesn't help either as time is not exactly on her side and he wants it "sorted" before Christmas. Obviously this is the one thing he will put his hand in his pocket for to find the money to sort privately, everything else she has been paying for despite him earning a very, very good salary.

Fuzzy, I don't mean to be too personal but has keeping the baby stopped you meeting anyone else? And have you resented the baby at all? I would lean towards that personally but she is so blindsided by him I think she will do anything to keep him.

Sorry reddaisy, I've only just seen your post.

Keeping my DS was the best thing I have done in my life, but then again I was 35 and my biological clock resembled big ben at the time.

As for meeting anyone else, no, it's never hindered it, in fact having my DS probably helped sift through the shit

But, if you think she will have the baby to try to keep him then that isn't the answer.

Good Luck