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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

just feeling low and crap and unappreciated

1 reply

FrizzyFrazzled · 13/12/2011 03:40

I have a DS of 22 months and am seven months pregnant. I work freelance, and at the moment its all from home, about 30 hours a week. My DH works shifts at the moment, about 35 hours a week but fairly antisocial hours. I was working out of the home in a temp fulltime position for the first six months of my pregnancy while he was a SAHD and worked some weekends, not all.
So now I feel like, because I work from home, I am seen as not really working. I look after DS and have to get my work done when he is occupied or asleep, plus cook, shop, etc etc. Also, I am pregnant and live in Australia, so I am very very hot and hormonal.
My DH never, ever gets up with DS in the morning ? about 6am is the time DS will usuall get up, if not earlier. And his shifts start early to mid afternoon, so often he will get up an hour before he has to leave, cook himself breakfast, and then go to work. Obviously, he isn?t back til after DS has gone to bed. While he never says anything, I always feel like he wishes I was more of a domestic goddess type. The house is pretty much on a spectrum from reasonably tidy to pretty messy, and I am not a keen cook ? we have stir frys, spag bol, meat and veg, that sort of thing, lots of sauce out of jars. I?ve always been like this though, and we have been together for eight years. Its like he wants me to suddenly be this earth mother.
I just feel under appreciated so am having a rant I suppose. I feel like I am working and doing all this and a part of me just wants to stamp my foot and say, ?But I am pregnant, and tired, and I WORK TOO.? Not to mention being in charge of all the bills, booking appointments etc.
Today he got up, said there was nothing to eat for breakfast (there is cereal, but no bacon, eggs, hash browns etc) and went to the supermarket. I had had a rough morning with DS and asked if he would take him to supermarket. He said no. When he left, I just burst into tears. Now I just don?t want to talk to him, and he is baffled as to why. I just don?t know where to start without it being put down to a hormonal rant. Last time I had a stress out at him he called in sick to work and commanded I go to bed and rest because he was ?worried about me?. Which is all very well, but I don?t WANT that, that just makes me feel like a feeble cant-cope type, I want something more consistent.
Any ideas, or thoughts on how to approach this? I hate confrontation, I love him deeply and he is lovely in many ways ? kind, adores DS, funny, loving etc. Its just this that is really getting to me.

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 13/12/2011 04:57

A lot of of this down to a hot summer in Oz Envy and those pesky hormones, honey.

He doesn't want a 'domestic goddess' - he wants you and there's nothing to stop him donning a pinny and wafting around with a feather duster while whipping up a delicious gourmet meal for 10 if he feels that 'more' needs to be done around the house.

You love him, he loves you, you've got a gorgeous little ds and another dc on the way. Print out your post, give it to him, and then have a constructive chat about how the pair of you can address some of the imbalances in the way that care of ds and household chores are currently allocated because he can, and should, do more to take some of the load off you.

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