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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Bored and in need of my life back!!!

37 replies

alliegator · 09/01/2006 18:49

In a pickle!
Ive been married for nearly 7 years, but been together for 9.5, i've got 3 beautiful children, and i am bored! i work full time, so does dh, we get in, he gets his dressing gown and slippers, and enjoys sitting in front of the t.v all evening, whilst I on the other hand go to the gym, swimming, shopping etc.
In september last year my life was turned upside down by a particular man who shows me love, affection, has more in common with me than my husband, talks to me whenever possible, every day, whereas i dont speak to dh through the day, or evening come to mention it!
This is where it gets a bit messy. He's the husband of my ex-best friend, who should be emigrating to Oz in the summer. He has withdrawn his application to emigrate to be with me, and will stop at nothing until he has me and my 3 kids under his roof. I love him dearly, dh hasn't a clue whats going on. how the hell do I deal with this????

OP posts:

LittleMissSmall · 10/01/2006 16:28

Actually bugsy2 'she' posted the opening post on a thread I started which is the direct fallout of an affair. Now, I happen to think that was rude and disrespectful. What did she expect from me? sympathy? please!

Also, just for the record, I don't believe tht 'pathetic' is a name.

Bugsy2 · 10/01/2006 16:31

More thoughts: does this other man have children? If it weren't for this other man would you be contemplating leaving your DH? How upset do you think your children would be about moving straight in with another man? Are you really "in love" with the other man or do you think it is just infatuation and the attraction of the forbidden?

lou33 · 10/01/2006 16:37

I'd be very careful of any decisions you make right now.

If your marriage really is over, and you are not just bored and feeling like you need excitement injected back into it, then you need to end it. The fact that you are developing feelings for someone else reaffirms this.

You need to be on your own for a while, do not move in with anyone! Find your own space and let your kids come to terms with what is going on in their lives, and adapt to the change.

If this man is the one for you he will not be able to object to that. Keep your new relationship on the low for a while wrt the kids.

You can't help falling for someone before your marriage has ended, it happens, life isnt black and white, but you can help how it will all affect your children.

Make yourself independent, and have life on your terms.

Good luck

Bugsy2 · 10/01/2006 16:37

LittleMissSmall, my ex-husband also had an affair, but I can still be objective about other people's situations. Not one single one of us is perfect and life has a habit of bowling us awkward situations. Alliegator is trying to sort out what to do from here forwards. You suggested that she should stop shagging around, which is fair enough, but you you didn't have to call her pathetic.

crazydazy · 10/01/2006 16:40

Can totally understand LittlemissSmall's hurt if she posted it on her post, that is downright disgusting imo.

LittleMissSmall · 10/01/2006 16:44

I think she is pathetic for posting the exact same post on my thread, in fact I think she's more than pathetic for doing that. I think she is tactless and heartless.

And quite frankly, I think if people really want to they can manage to keep their knickers on until they have left the person they are not happy with.

I am entitled to my opinion just as everyone else is and I've seen alot stronger words than 'pathetic' used on this forum.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 10/01/2006 16:45

I can see where littlemisssmall is coming from.

Bugsy2 · 10/01/2006 16:49

Obviously I have missed something here. Still hate namecalling though. We are all entitled to our opinions but mumsnet is about trying to help each other and not about personal attacks.

crazydazy · 10/01/2006 16:50

Me too - fortunately it hasn't happened to me but would be devastated to find DP cheating on me and devastated for our kids too.

mazzystar · 10/01/2006 16:52

i also tend to take a dim view of a chap who will sleep with his wife's (ex) best friend without qualms. and decieve his poor wife further by letting her believe he's emigrating with her. yuck

crazydazy · 10/01/2006 16:54

Yes I agree but its also about having respect for fellow Mumsnetters which Alliegator clearly didn't have when she posted on LSS' thread.

throckenholt · 10/01/2006 19:02

LittleMissSmall - given it is exactly the same post I would guess it is a mistake that it was on your thread - especially as it has little relevance to your thread.

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