ex is being a pig AGAIN...

[salt]

...And I am not feeling strong enough to cope with it at the moment.

The CSA have finally (after months of waiting) got their act together and told us how much he has to pay me. He is NOT happy and I am bearing the brunt of this.

I am feeling very brittle at the moment so maybe I am over reacting but during the last couple of months he finally started being civil and reasonable with his behaviour towards me... now we are back to square one with abuse etc.

To top it all off, I find out that the mother of his other child has now shacked up with a known heroin addict in my area, he know's this so why can't he just go and bug her?! I raise my child well, I am stable, I work hard and my dd is happy - so why does he have to try and make my life as difficult as possible?

I've never stopped him having access (though I would like to) I always bite my tongue at his comments because I don't want to row in front of dd. I make sure his parents see dd weekly. I do everything in my power to make sure my dd has a good upbringing and knows she is surrounded by people who love her, I am always fair with his family... making sure she is available for their birthdays etc.

While the mother of his other child is completely unreasonable about everything and IMO quite unbalanced yet because this heroin addict is xp's mate it's ok but everything I do is wrong. I also suspect that she is using too and feel sorry for their little girl (I always got on with her and she liked me too, she is a lovely little girl - a little messed up but has a big heart).

I am sick of getting abuse from him when I have done nothing wrong and raise his child well. I also suspects when she get's her letter I will receive abuse from her as she was already claming so they have halved her payment to give me half.

I'm sorry I'm rambled and i'm sure the puctuation is bad but I hope it makes sense. Will post it before I change my mind and delete. I don't know what I want from this post advice/support? I just feel really upset (and sorry for myself I guess). Why can't he see that I'm raising dd well and lay off. I hope dd recognise my efforts to do the 'right' thing when she is older or it really will be in vein.

Going for a little cry now, I am so frustrated.

Salt you have my sympathies.I dont think they really notice whether we do good or bad for our children,they just think about themselves and how things affect them.My exp is the same he never asks about the kids who have a multitude of problems between them all,they have been sick for 5 weeks now between them all but i managed to pull of dd 1st birthday and hold a naming ceremony for her on sunday,since then i have not seen or heard from exp when i usually do every day,its almost like he's pissed that i managed to manage IYKWIM and cant bring himself to acknowledge the fact so will just keep away and say nothing instead.

About the CSA halfing this other womans payment please try not to worry about this as your child has a right to be financially taken care of too,and can i also add dont use up to much energy making sure his family see your dd at the end of the day im sure they know where you are,let them make the effort some of the time.

Take care,
Love Loobie xx

salt you asked "why does he have to try and make your life diffulcult"

maybe because he thinks you allow him to.

be strong
put a stop to it tell him where to go until he can treat you with a bit more respect
dont put up with his shite no longer
you dont need it

as long as you know you are doing a good job with your children tell him where to go
and if she doesnt like it
dont come a knocking

hugs
xxx

Thanks, I guess that's what I needed to hear. It was good to get it off my chest too - even if it was a bit of a brain-dump.

Well done Loobie for doing all that!!! I think it bugs him because I do so well sometimes.

Doormat, I try not to let him take advantage but if he's in a bad mood when he collects dd he calls me a fcking cnt in front of her etc... I tend to just smile at him and let him get on with it... it annoys him more when he doesn't get a reaction anyway. I have asked him not to use language like that in front her but he does it more just to annoy me.

Also I've already had him arrested twice and cautioned by the police, next time I call them he will be prosecuted... Why do I have to resort to this? I don't really want him to go to prison, I just want him to give me a break. I have loads of options that could really do him damage but I really can't be bothered to take action on them. I really don't care enough to waste my energy - is that good or bad? I don't know. I rather spend my energy on dd so I guess that's good.

salt can a relative or friend of his pick up your child instead of him,to keep him from abusing you on the doorstep
or better still
get an injunction to keep him away
you really dont need this.

I have been told I could get an injunction but I think I have to have him arrested again or go through a solicitor. I'm not entitled to legal aid and can't really afford a solicitor, I've seen a couple of solicitors for the free initial consultation.

I wouldn't trust any of his friends to pick my dd up. I could ask his parents to collect her but then I'd have to tell them what their son is really like and they would be destroyed. Sometimes I SO want to tell them the truth about everything but I can't bring myself to hurt them like that - they've done nothing wrong to me.

I could force him to have supervised visits only (because of threats of abduction) but I don't think this would be a nice environment for dd.

Sometimes it's so hard to know what to do for the best.

I understand salt but why should you and your dd suffer well mostly you because of him and his moods.

OK you ex in laws have done nothing to do but you owe them no alliegance when it comes to THEIR son and his bad behaviour.

Tell them and get this shit of a man off your door.

sorry but dont mean to be on your back but I just dont think anyone deserves this treatment.
It amazes me these ex's who think they still have a say in your life
when they dont.

Doormat, if I do tell his parents he'll have not much left to lose... what then? I should tell his parents, I know I should. I have gone there before with the intention of telling them but I just can't bring myself to say the words. I would have to tell them things that I've told nobody else as well.

I met this guy a few months ago, really genuine guy. Somehow x found out his work and home numbers and gave him so much abuse, I just couldn't believe it.

He has also threatened staff at dd's nursery, abused the lady at the CSA office and dumped two old cars on my street... but I'm covering old ground now.

It's actually nice to get it off chest though.

salt get it off your chest
a problem shared is a problem halved
yeah right but it is good to talk (shit I sound like a BT advert now)

He sounds like a real bas.

Can you contact a zero tolerance centre or womans aid as he is still abusing you and making your life hell.
ask them what they think and if they can help.

salt, I don't think that your ex's behaviour is within the acceptable range that you should be tolerating. I also think that you should remember (although of course let's hope it never comes to that) a lot of women get hurt by their exs (esp if drugs and money are involved and people are getting irate). If you really feel physically threatened, you have got to save the money to go to a solicitor. Won't you have some extra money now your csa claim has been processed? It sounds as if you are a bit embarrassed about telling people about your ex's behaviour. I hope you realize that even though he used to be your partner, you can't be expected to care for and defend him in the same way now. He is the one who should be embarrassed. You have to get the message across to him that he is your ex, and not the sort of friend that can keep on interfering in your life like that, and that the only reason you still see him is so that your dd can see her father.

The thing is up until yesterday he had been ok for a while (month or so at least) so I'm kind of hoping this is just a glitch... it's just a glitch that came at a bad time. Normally I would just let his call last night wash over me but for some reason he really bugged me this time. I have a few other things on my mind at the mo and I guess that's what it is.

Amazing isn't it, when he's nice it unsettles me and I wonder what he's up to - why he's been nice. When he's a b*stard I moan about that too
... what's that saying baout men not being able to win!!

The thing that really annoyed me was the fact that he was trying to make me feel guilty for his other childs money being cut and that he has to give me nearly £40 a week... HARDSHIPS!!! £40 a week isn't much really, it doesn't even cover two mornings at her nursery. Apparently all I've acheived by my action is making one family poorer (his other childs). Personally I think I've acheived something that might dd is entitled to. Why shouldn't he contribute to her.

I'm going to rant abit now but...hey! His other dd lives in a nice 3 bed council property in the village and works part time. I own my own (small) home and work full time. I would love to be able to work part time and spend more time with dd but I can't afford to. So he's having a go at me for getting money that i (apparently) don't need and they apparently do.

Do I sound like a spoilt brat? I'm not. I just want my dd to have the same from her daddy as the other child.

And she's quite entitled to it too!!!

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