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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm an ungrateful c*nt.

52 replies

witherhills · 11/12/2011 22:16

I don't know where to start
I give up, will be going to my parents and starting our life over

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 12/12/2011 11:44

stay in touch, WH

Slightlytinsellyexpat · 12/12/2011 12:39

Take a lot of possessions with you, WH. All the practical stuff you think you need for the next few months, plus passports, birth certificates, anything financial that is yours, even docs to do with the car that you are driving away in.

When you say From experience, he will calm down and see a bit of sense wrt DS does that mean you are only doing this as a gesture to make him see sense? Is this the end? Or just a gesture? Be sure you know what you want.

Sending Thanks in abundance. Plus good luck and best wishes. Keep posting.

RandomMess · 12/12/2011 19:09

"he's not going to provide for ds"

If he is employed (rather than self employed) he will have to provide for ds, it will get deducted from his salary at source if he doesn't cough up!

All the best, drive carefully!

Original poster
witherhills · 12/12/2011 19:55

Ok
I'm going.
Car full as have all Christmas presents too

As predicted he is now very sorry and is saying yes of course we will sort it out amicably and he is the c*nut.

Expat, we've been at this stage before, and something always happens to make me come back, birthday or holiday, or him persuading me.
I think once I figured out that it wasnt the end of the world to be going home, then the decision got easier.

Randommess, he will have to pay for him, But if he wouldn't do it willingly, even 2 months non payment of mortgage, nursery and general household bills, I would be in big trouble.
He actually earns more than the csa top limit, so I would have to go to court if he wouldn't voluntarily pay what he should. But again wrt private school education, that's all going to change. It was what we had planned, but not if he won't pay, so that's his decision.

Gotta go, rushing now!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/12/2011 20:00

Safe journey.

I'd start on the phone calls tomorrow. Child benefit, CSA get the ball rolling.

GypsyMoth · 12/12/2011 20:07

Good luck!! X

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 12/12/2011 20:15

All the best and let us know when you are settled

ArtVandelay · 12/12/2011 20:30

Well done - have as nice a Xmas as possible! x x

dreamingofawhitexmasteamgirl · 12/12/2011 23:02

Good work and good luck! x

squeakytoy · 12/12/2011 23:25

Hope you have had a smooth journey. The weather is terrible with the gales, but I expect you are nearly there now.

You have done the right thing. Be proud of yourself. :)

AbbyAbsinthe · 12/12/2011 23:28

Good luck love.

ThereGoesTheFear · 13/12/2011 12:57

Good luck Wither. You've done an amazing thing for yourself and your DS. Let us know how you're getting on. Smile

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 13/12/2011 15:58

Well done Wither - just make sure you stay away this time. Though you can play along with 'let's see how it goes' if that's what you need to do, to get the rest of your stuff. Do you have much left at the house? You must have - a car load isn't much?! Do you have anyone with a van who could collect if for you?

Stay strong, you know this is for the best x

Original poster
witherhills · 13/12/2011 16:17

thanks everyone

I've got everything I need for now, it will do until after Christmas and then will have to re-evaluate. Pretty much everything in the house was originally mine, so he couldn't complain if I took it.

It's going to be a big decision as to whether I stay here, or go back to London to my flat or house(without him)

I want to make the right decision, but I also want it to be the least hassle option, and by that I have to factor in him seeing DS, travelling 250miles, what he will pay for DS, schools, friends, family, housing, work.

He is predictably being very amicable, very sorry. Will give me anything
Heard it all before. I've told him I don't want to talk to him. He is phoning in the morning to speak to DS, DS even picks up the phone now, so I don't have to talk to him.

the next stage is him feeling really sorry for himself and the fact that he's lost everything.
Then he will get angry about having to move out of the house, and why should he get a flat, blah blah

I could write the script

I spent most of yesterday crying, but have been fine today, except at the end of It's a Wonderful Life!!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2011 20:27

Keep that "script" in front of you and simply tick off every move he makes

So predictable, aren't they ?

The clue is in the description though .... "script" meaning it's all false, a performance for his benefit to get you back where he thinks you belong....servicing him

Bogeyface · 13/12/2011 21:20

Yep, play "Dickhead Bingo" it will make the phone calls far less stressful.

Take care, you are doing the right thing :)

Original poster
witherhills · 13/12/2011 21:38

It's actually pathetic
Tears n everything

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 13/12/2011 21:39

Tears that would miraculously dry up and be forgotten if you were to go back.

Stay strong x

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2011 21:45

snot ? is there snot too ?

and is he "broken" ?

"can't live without you, he is nothing without you " ?

it's in the script, alright

coudn't he do any better than that ?

I suspect he will stop taking care of himself now, start to look a bit threadbare and unkempt, adopt his best bruised and hangdog persona

oh, yes, it's all shaping up nicely for this year's Dickhead Oscar Ceremony

I can see it now, as he thanks The Academy for voting for him with those crocodile tears in his eyes. This, his annus horribilis has been the hardest of his life, but he could pull through it if only he had his wife by his side...

bollocks

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2011 21:48

we need izzywhizzyletsgetbusy here

she is brilliant at this visual imagery, very skilled at reducing this pathetic behaviour to what it actually means

which is, in summary, calculated to make you feel sorry for him and go back to being his abused domestic appliance

Bogeyface · 13/12/2011 21:53

Further to AF..

If he does start going on about how he doesnt wash or wear clean clothes, offer to email a basic "users guide" to the washing machine, shower etc :o

As AF said, its all in the script and what is so bloody pathetic is the fact not one of these losers can be even a little bit original! "I am so depressed I am cleaning out the shed" would be worth a few points for "Original Screenplay" in the Dickhead Oscars but "I am not eating properly..." YAWN.....been done, dont call us....

Bogeyface · 13/12/2011 21:55

Oh and another addendum to AFs

Snot is ok but it doesnt really count without the heaving, wracking sobs. You know the ones, where you cant talk properly because your lungs are in spasm? Those Wink

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2011 21:58

arf at "don't call us", otherwise referred to as "don't give up the dayjob"

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 13/12/2011 22:20

Can you make a quick enough decision to take advantage of the 'can't do this on my own ' stage - before he gets to the angry stage? Do you trust him with your stuff? Have you taken all the really sentimental stuff (baby stuff & photos etc)??

Please keep the script in mind and don't fall for any of his BS. You know the 'I'll do anything, I'll see a shrink, I'll go to Relate - I never realised how much I love you' FBS.

tallwivglasses · 13/12/2011 22:29

Has nobody mentioned those angst-riddled silences - generally accompanied by stadium-cock rock soundtrack? Method at its best.