My husband is a grumpy miserable shit...

[silentcatastrophe]

I have been told that his behaviour fits into passive aggression. It is not at all nice and I am at the end of my tether. I think he lost his first family through the similar behaviour. I really don't know what to do or think next. We have spent years in relationship therapy, but really nothing has changed.
I don't know if I need to start planning an alternative to being with him as there are lots of good things about him. Any ideas or experience?

If you've spent years in counselling, have you ever felt happy with this relationship?
Do you think it is time to move on? It doesn't sound like he's going to change so I suppose your choice is pretty clear - accept him or separate.

Has he had any therapy on his own to get to the root of why he is the way he is?

My husbands grumpy, miserable, and negative behaviour caused us to split up 4 years into our marriage. It woke him up to the fact that his behaviour was wrong, it got worse before it got better, as he went to pieces when I left, but it was the right thing for me to do, selfish as it may sound. It was also the best thing to do because he finally dealt with the issues that had ruined the first 4 years of our marriage. We have been together over ten years now, and he is a different person to the one he was when we split. (For the better).

People can change, but they need a helping hand to do it, and the person closest to them is not always the one who can fix things.

tbh I#m thinking 'toddler' in that you may have to train him. If you've been to relationship counselling 'for years' (which sounds horribly bleak tbh) then he's obviously not going to be pcking up the slack all on his own, you'll have to train him. re work out some boundaries that you won't budge on - zero tolerance; clearly state that blah isn't acceptable; work out some sanctions you['ll put in place if said boundaries are violated. It's hard work but it puts you in the driving seat, makes you less of a victim. The ultimate boundary is leaving - re squeaky - but she probably didn't, and you shouldn't, do it to get a reaction/what you want. There comes a time when talking about it is a waste of breath, you've got to act.

Thank you for your words. I have reached the end of talking about things and going throught the same old rubbish. I have had to accept for myself that I have a filthy temper and a loud voice when I am upset. H sulks in the kitchen for Britain. He still wants to go to councelling. I have been councelled to my ears and I don't really know if I want to go with him.

It is very sad to be in a position where I feel that his behaviour is relentlessly destructive.