Confusion , anger, sadness continue

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

So I have received a lot of support from MNetters in light of my marriage issues. so thank you
I decided to separate from DH, After another of his hideous rants at me.
He remains perfectly nice as I look at houses to buy and is seemingly supportive.
It's doing my head in. either he doesn't care I am moving out or he is relieved.
So I asked him today:
Lady" so It seems that you don't seem to care that I am moving out"
DH"well you don't seem to care either"
Lady" I have been crying every day about it"
DH " well I'm not that happy about it"
lady" I am confused. One minute you are awful and you rant at me and tell me how terrible a human I am and then this week you are nice to me."
DH" I was just telling you how I was feeling. Don't make out I have a hidden evil side. You are just upset as I told you something you didn't want to hear. We just had a tiff"
Lady"it wasn't a tiff they were really damaging thing you said"
DH" it seems you are just using the argument as an excuse not to stop smoking again"
lady" I'm not. This isn't about smoking this is about how you talk to me"
DH "I think it's convenient for you to separate so you can carry on smoking" (wtf!)
Lady" it's convenient for you to blame the smoking when it's actually your behaviour we are talking about"
DH" what do you think when you are looking at moving in to a tiny house"
lady" I look forward to it"
Sorry it's long but he really doesn't get it!

he is playing stupid?
Am I just being stubborn and going to put my kids through a separation just because he has episodic rants a time.
aaaagggh!

You sound miffed because he isn't falling apart and begging you to stay. What do you want? Blood?

To be honest there is a bit of that. Thought I meant more to him . Clearly not.

sounds like you could do with a mediator to steer the conversations so that you actually stop going round in circles or trying to score points off each other

Love. Be honest. These episodic rants. Take place often do they?

Would you describe yourself as being abused?

When my relationship with X was breaking down, there were several conversations where I fished for an idea that he would miss me when I was no longer with him.

It's normal to do this, but not entirely helpful to you.

If you have good reason to go - and hideous rants seems good enough for me - then you just need to hold onto that reason, and keep focussed and follow through. You need to spend some time alone, work out who you are and what you want.

IF there is a chance that this split is a mistake, there is a chance you can both put it back together. You would not be the first.

HOWEVER, if he IS abusive, do not go to mediation, do NOT let him back, be brave and make the only decision you have to make and that is to get him out of your life. It really IS that simple. It really IS OH SO MUCH BETTER when you are out.

To me he sounds to be minimising all this bad behaviour and maximising YOUR perceived sins against him/the world. His saying you are leaving because you want to carry on smoking is ridiculous and designed to get you wound up, and cause an argument.

Stay cool, calm and collected. Don't give him the fight, be matter of fact and show HIM you are not that bothered. It will freak HIM out. Stop asking HIM if he'll miss you. Otherwise he won't. He'll just know that you are still hooked.

He's trying to mess with your head.. don't get sucked in and don't engage..

This is the only way to deal with it:
Stay cool, calm and collected. Don't give him the fight, be matter of fact and show HIM you are not that bothered. It will freak HIM out. Stop asking HIM if he'll miss you. Otherwise he won't. He'll just know that you are still hooked.

BUT don't get sucked back in when he does freak and pulls out his 'I'm so sorry' routine... he isn't