Am I being stupid?

[Lauracassius]

I have just had a new baby 6 weeks ago and have a toddler who is 26 months. His sleep has never been good and I have always gone in and stayed with him till he fell asleep. This obviously had to change because of newborn so my partner has had to put him back to sleep most of the time.
Realise I am going on, basically the toddler seems to wake at 5 almost every morning crying and wanting to get up ( OH gets up at 6 anyway). We are all tired and worn out.

I always said I wouldn't smack my toddler however when he was crying this morning I said I would get up and Oh is telling him to go away and calling him a bratt, toddler gets distressed and bangs on the door so oh got out of bed and smacked him on the bottom, I just felt so angry i smacked oh on the arm ( I am not strong and it was hardly anything) he then hit me quite hard on the back which led to me and toddler crying on his bedroom floor.

Do you think this is bad?? He was drunk last night which is why i think he was angrier than usual. He smokes a lot of weed and drinks every day. He also lies about times he finishes work,etc as I have caught him out a few times. He takes coke and never gives enough money for his half the bills, rent, etc that my savings have gone and I have debt on credit card.

Saying all this out loud makes me think how stupid I am but I am just waiting for him to change.

Leave! Run! Take your babies with you! It's better to be worn out and sleep deprived then have the children you love turn into mini copies of your oh.

You can just dump his belongings on the doorstep, change the locks and call the police to remove him if he kicks off. THe house is in your name and he has physically attacked you and your child. Parasites like him will always find somewhere else to go.

Oh OP, just get rid. People on that much drink and drugs will never follow 'rules'.

He sounds like a complete and utter fuckwit and you and your DC will be much better off without him.

I'm afraid I do think you would be stupid to stay with him.

This sounds like a horrible relationship, - there is violence, shouting, drugs, alcohol and deceit.

Exactly how long have you spent 'waiting for him to change'?

My god. he hit your toddler for crying? that's awful. I mean, calling your child a brat, telling them to go away? and then going to them and hitting them because they are distressed? it's disgusting.

I actually don't blame you for your response. If someone did that to my child, I'd smash their face in with a frying pan. And I don't care if that's unreasonable. You DON'T treat a child like that.

And he thumped you for it. Well, there are those who will argue that you hit him first and he hit you back. But big picture - your child was called a brat, yelled at, told to go away, became distressed and was then hit.

I think that would make any mother spring to their defence! And for springing to protect your child, you got thumped.

And this man also drinks, takes drugs, lies and doesn't contribute fairly financially.

and - the home is in YOUR name! hello? So what if he has nowhere to go?

From personal experience I would get rid. It will be a relief.

Do you think he would cause problems for you if you kicked him out?

If you dont have any connections to the area you're in now anyway, you maybe are better off moving back to where your friends/family are. having 2 DCs on your own will be easier with support.

He hits a child for waking up.

He hits you for you hitting him

He does Weed, Coke, lies about his whereabouts and doesn't pay his fair share.

WTF are you doing with this cocklodger woman?

You can and you MUST tell him to go. It's HIS problem if he can't keep a room over his head, when he treats you like this.

it will get worse. MUCH MUCH worse.

Get him OUT. ASAP.

.. and if you come back on here and use either 'but I love him' or 'he's a great dad...' I will actually CRY, you hear me?

You're not stupid. He's a violent, cocklodging prick.

But now that your eyes are open to what he's like, you'd be stupid to stay.

I just want to thank you all for replies, I've never told anyone what he's like as I didn't want people to think I was stupid. Never thought I would be someone like this.

2 year old gets more attention than newborn so it's not that at all!!

Seeing so many people tell me to end it has made me realize how unhappy I am. Feel quite positive about things now I know it's going to end.
I will manage myself with the babies. I think I will move back to where I come from however I am now struggling with the fact that they will not see their dad at all or only a few times a year.

LauraC

I have this arrangement with my Ex, he see's his DS 3 to 4 times a year and it works. DS really doesn't miss him at all - he was also very young when we split up so doesn't really know any different. Your's will be the same.

Hi Laura - I'm glad you are now realising how unhappy you are. I sometimes worry when everyone comes on saying "get rid" etc that the OP will disappear. Incidentally I think all the "get rid" posters are absolutely right. He sounds too emotionally immature to be a partner and father. Assume he is father of both children.

How far are you talking about going - do you think this OH will be that bothered about contact with the children. He will be a stranger to the baby and the 2 year old would need to see him fairly frequently for him to remember him. I see my young gr/chrn every 6 weeks because of how far away they live and they remember me. There is always skype as well. I thing you need to deal with this one step at a time.

Do you trust him enough to tell him of your plans or are you afraid that he could "kick off" especially under the influence of drink/drugs. If the latter, then you will have to do it in secret. You will of course need to end your tenancy and find a new place, but you sound like you are reasonably sorted about this. It certainly isn't your problem that he has nowhere to go. There are hostels for single men, full of those who are into drink and drugs so he will be in good company!

If you need help CAB is a good place to start or Women's Aid can give you good advice. Assume you are talking about going back to be near family. Could you stay with someone initially (so you are safe from any backlash) and then sort out another private rent.

Hope you have the strength to carry this through. You won't regret it.