Do we need some help?

[Littlemissnegative]

I have name changed as previous nickname too recognisable. I have been married to DH for 10 years. A few weeks ago I was talking to a close friend of mine about relationships and how inevitably after a while the intensity and closeness diminish, especially after having children (we have 3). I said that I love DH but I'm not in love with him but that doesn't mean I want to leave him, that's just what happens to most couples in our situation. I expected her to agree but she was quite shocked by that and seemed to suggest we need to do something about it.
I suppose my question is, is our relationship normal? We still have sex (not as regularly as we'd like) but it's still good. We get on pretty well and we do love each other. We used to be extremely close and I suppose we're not that close anymore but we're both so tired and busy it's hard to make an effort. It does make me sad that our relationship isn't what it was but after being together so long and having 3 DCs in less than 4 years I assumed this is what happens to everybody.

sounds totally normal to me.

Whilst it sounds normal there's no harm in putting a bit of zing back either.

Do still go out together? How much time to you get without the kids?

The good thing is that the "in love" bit can come back - as you say, the child rearing years are a hard slog, once your children are older and you have more time for each other, you can reignite the spark - you just have to keep a level of intimacy going, you've already said that both of you would like more sex, that's a very positive thing.

3 kids in 4 years is some going, it's going to be tough, unless you are Angelina Jolie or have huge weath and an army of staff.

the thing is after a few years its easy to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted and not actually listening or seeing them as a person but just as a dad or a paypacket

i think its important to have time for each other when you can actually talk - go out for a meal once in a while, or the pictures - where you arent distracted by kids and housework and such

It sounds like you're rubbing along nicely but I do think it's important now and again to step back and look at your partner properly and get to know the person they are now rather than assuming they're the same person they always were. The problem with letting things chug along is that you might turn around in ten years' time and realise you don't really know one another. I agree with Heckler - make time to sit down and really talk - ask each other questions and listen to the answer - things like what you want for the future, what countries you might like to visit, any new hopes, dreams or interests you might have. I make sure to do this every now and again with my DH and it can be absolutely lovely. I learned something new about him recently that really made me look at him in a new (and better) light and I find myself feeling more tingly and excited around him these days as I suppose he's a bit more "fresh" and interesting.