Tired of the constant disappointment - please be gentle as am feeling very down

[Mumtabulous]

I don't want this to get too long-winded, but I need somewhere to offload anonymously and some advice from some other women who have been in a similar situation. I know I'm not the first woman to feel this way but that doesn't change the fact I feel miserable about it iykwim.

I separated from XP earlier this year as he had turned into someone completely different from the man I fell in love with, distant and aloof instead of kind and loving, complete lack of interest in me and the DCs, always making excuses about being too busy or tired to talk things through, temper tantrums and passive aggressive behaviour, the works. He wouldn't admit that his feelings had changed for ages and when he finally did the break-up was terrible, I couldn't eat or sleep properly, in fact I still take sleeping pills occasionally when I know I'm too worried to sleep and my weight yo-yoed up and down, work really went downhill and I stopped seeing friends for a while because I felt I couldn't cope with having to appear 'happy'.

Eventually things settled down and I started dating current 'D'P a couple of months ago. Obviously I haven't been expecting anything serious as it is still early days, but I can see signs in my new P that are worrying me. I can tell that he is losing interest, he rarely calls any more unless he wants something, he always seems too busy to talk and meet, and he never asks after me and the DCs in the same way that he used to. Now I am not bombarding him with calls and texts and suggestions to meet, I'm talking about once a day. This has all happened in the last ten days, before he was very keen and asking to meet up a lot and calling every two hours. It's not the phone activity that's worrying me in particular, but more what it signifies iyswim.

I know that we've only been seeing each other a short while and obviously I will get over it comparatively quickly, but still I feel so disappointed that yet another relationship has failed. I didn't have good relationships before XP either, one was violent, another emotionally abusive, not particularly great memories of the others either bar one. It just feels like the cycle is repeating itself, I'm not saying current P has done anything terrible but I can tell that this one is coming to an end as well. I don't want to seem overkeen so am not going to ask him about it yet. I thought I'd give it a week.

If anyone has any suggestions how I can feel better about all this it would really boost my mood as I am feeling decidedly lacking in pre-Xmas cheer!

Chin up, he might be busy, or you might be right, he might be on the wane. If so, then at least you know your 'radar' is working.
It's not good for the self esteem, but a lot of fledgling relationships founder, it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong or are inherantly unloveable.
Despite what you've been through recently you sound pretty balanced about this and keeping calm and not over reacting can only be a good thing for your peace of mind in the long run.
With or without a man around, I hope you and your DC's have a lovely Christmas

Perhaps you should take more time out from having relationships and spend some time on you? You weren't long out of your long-term relationship when you took up with this chap. Why not work on your personal happiness as a single - rather than worrying about pleasing someone else, please yourself.

Thank you for your answers so far ladies :)

Leverette, about the phoning, I had the same train of thought. I'm wondering if he's one of those who is all over you at the beginning but has a short attention span iyswim. I'm hoping it's just that things are normalising, but I think it might be the latter.

I'm going to give it a week, and if things don't seem to improve I will try to enjoy some single time :)

Just from reading post, I would say that you went through a LOT earlier this year with regards to a relationship and perhaps you weren't really ready for another serious one (sounds like it was serious at one point, certainly intense). I think you need a REAL break from relationships to get a bit more grounding in who you are on your own, get some confidence back, and then you will be in a position to find someone who is more 'right' and perhaps more long term.

Hi, as Leverette says, his behaviour sounds obsessive, not attentive. And as buzzswellington says, it's important to be happy. It sounds like you equate happiness to being in a relationship and that you are paranoid about being happy all the time in yours. One way you will be happy is if, as buzzswellington says, you focus less on having the perfect relationship, and more on focussing on your needs and what you want. Do you have any hobbies? Not only will doing something you enjoy, a couple of nights a week, be good for your self-esteem, it is also a great way to meet people with similar interests to you. You are much more likely to find someone right for you this way and you will be doing something for you at the same time. So you are always going to come out on top! Wishing you all the best and I hope the situation improves soon,

Dig deep and find the courage tell the current twat that's wasting your life that it's over before he tells you, as it will make you feel infinitely better this time round if you're the dumper and not the dumpee;

Visit your GP and ask for a referral for counselling to help you overcome the issues of low self-esteem that have led you into a succession of unfulfilling relationships which, in turn, have only served to reinforce your lack of self-worth.

Find time to reconnect with the inner 'you' and begin to love, honour, and accept yourself for what are - a warm-hearted wonderful woman who has a lot to give to others including, when the time is right, the perfect man for you.

Place a high value on yourself and always maintain that value because if you don't, no-one else will. Once you have 'come into yourself' your twat radar will become a finely tuned instrument that will repel all boarders who are not worthy of your love and affection.

Honestly speaking I'm more inclined to equate unhappiness with being in a relationship, after all the turmoil earlier this year. I wouldn't say I'm paranoid about being happy all the time, after all that's unrealistic, but still it's not nice feeling that it's all going wrong (yet) again. You are spot on about the hobbies etc, very good idea and I think perhaps it is time to have a break from worrying about relationships. Thank you very much for the encouraging words, MN is a lifesaver!