Loong story and first topic I've started - please be gentle!
My BF discovered in 2009 her DH had fathered a child with another woman (the child was 2 yrs old when she found out). And the other woman was someone my BF knew.
They have 2 older children in early teens.
They tried RELATE & my BF accepted the baby into their family (far more understanding than I ever would have been). 6 months later she discovered the affair was still going on and had been for 21/2 years (despite him telling her it had lasted 6 weeks).
They split up & she moved out.
She has tried to remain on good terms with him (she has been very tolerant!) He won't accept any responsibility for what happenned - he had to go looking for attention as he wasn't getting it at home, so all of it is her fault.
I've listened to her cry, held her hand, been to the GP's with her etc etc.
BUT
I'm close to having enough. It's nearly 3 years on. He has another girlfriend, but is still sleeping with my BF whenever either of them feel like it. So they're at it one minute, falling out the next and she's in bits again. They send hateful texts to each other, and we can't go anywhere as friends without her ending up in tears. He's a bully that turns everything back to her - he's even lied to his new GF, telling her he and my BF were "on a break" when he fathered the child. He's told me that himself.
I've refrained from giving my view unless she's pushed me for it, I've tried to be non-judgemental, but last week she asked me outright and I told her they were torturing each other, what they were doing was unfair on his new GF, and on the kids, that she needed to make a break before she can move on and get on with her life. I asked her did she still want to be living this way in another 3 years??
Did it hit home? No - I went to visit a few days ago, and he was there - all cosy and pally.
So HELP!!!
I so want to help her, I love her to bits, but I'm at the point where I can't see an end to this. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!