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Original poster

Friend upset - but I think I spoke the truth.

17 replies

MySweetPrince · 08/12/2011 13:00

Background:Have a friend at work that I have known for years.2 years ago she left her husband as the marriage had broken down. A few months later she confided in me that she was seing someone from work(married) and it had been going on for a while. Guy she involved with then gets moved to our overseas office so the relationship is now long distance.For the past 2 years this guy has been promising to leave his wife to be with my friend, he makes excuse after excuse, first it was too soon after she left her husband, then it was that she was living with her parents. She moved into her own flat this spring and he promised he would tell his wife it was over and be with friend in the summer. He did come over in July on business and promised again, then in September she flew out to be with him for 10 days - she stayed in a hotel and he spent a few nights there telling his wife he was on a business trip.We are now 2 weeks from Christmas and my friend came off the phone to him yesterday -he phones every lunchtime- upset that he still won't give her a definite date. Trouble is she can't see a bad thing about him and said to me "He is just too nice Prince he hasn't got a bad bone in his body" I said " well he has cos he's cheating on his wife for one and he's lying to you!" She burst into tears at this and I feel awful but this bloke has been promising her for 2 years and I hate to see her wasting her life waiting for this guy who I feel is taking her for a mug. I have apologised but was I right to speak my mind this time?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/12/2011 13:01

Yup, you were definately right. He is never going to leave his wife. She IS being a mug.

SinicalSal · 08/12/2011 13:03

You were right, sadly.

Pancakeflipper · 08/12/2011 13:05

She is never going to initially react with glee and say "oh thank you, thank you MySweetPrince". She might do that later on down the line. It's going to hurt. But you've had 2 yrs of hearing about the wonderful guy. I am sure the other people who she's told about it think the same as you.

You cannot tell her what to do but after 2 yrs I think you are entitled to say what you think.

She probably knows this deep down but having someone confirm your nightmarish thoughts still hurts.

Hope she doesn't stick her head in the sand and avoid you. She could do with her mates.

ChickensThinkYouCanGetStuffed · 08/12/2011 13:05

Yep. Sugar coating and buying in to the fairytale will do her no good at all.

fuzzynavel · 08/12/2011 13:13

Yes, 100% right OP

PieCherry · 08/12/2011 13:29

Completely agree x

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 08/12/2011 13:31

Absolutely right.

JeremyVile · 08/12/2011 13:32

Oh fgs, people living in lalaland shouldnt expect others to indulge them in their silly little fantasies. You did right, apart from the bit when you apologised.

QueenCess · 08/12/2011 13:42

A truthful friend is a treasure.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 08/12/2011 13:50

You've watched this hackneyed play for 2 years and said nothing?

You must have the patience of a saint - I would have cracked when your colleague first confided her sordid 'secret'.

I can only hope that when you apologised you made it clear that you were only sorry that she became upset and not for what you said, which is nothing less than the god's honest truth.

Maybe another lonely Christmas will convince her that he hasn't got a good bone in his body and that her only appeal for him is exercising one of them behind his wife's back.

workedoutforthebest · 08/12/2011 13:57

Tell his wife, problem solved.

Original poster
MySweetPrince · 08/12/2011 14:05

She's ok with me today - but you are right ...I have had 2 years of seeing her go from being as excited as a kid given the keys to a sweet shop when she knows he is coming over, then the unbearable tears and anguish when he goes back home promising her that this time he will do it. She has confided in others but she cannot ( or will not) see him for what he is.

OP posts:
stayformulledwine · 08/12/2011 14:22

Your her friend aren't you? Real friendship should include being bluntly honest with your friend however horrible that is if it's in her best interests.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 08/12/2011 14:26

Ah, so it's an open secret. Could it be that she's getting off on the attention as much as the improbable prospect of setting up home with the lying twunt her lover?

I'd be inclined to adopt an attitude of studied indifference as further episodes of this tawdry tale unfold, especially as if he were to make her dreams come true she'd soon discover that he's every woman's worst nightmare which will only cause more wasted tears.

It is to be hoped that your office Secret Santa will gift her with a humungous box of tissues and a link to this board to be opened on Christmas Day.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2011 21:14

Real friends can tell other the truth

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2011 21:14

each other

MarinaAzul · 08/12/2011 22:01

Your friend is a fool!

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