Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Assaulted by my brother

13 replies

NotherHopeLesscase · 07/12/2011 18:43

I have recently (in the last few years) suspected my eldest brother been bullying subtly since I was a child.
He's always been able to bully or threaten in quiet ways I did not recognise.

I am from a Catholic Family. When I became pregnant out of wedlock I confided in him. At first he seemed supportive when I told him of my turmoil.

Within that month he threatened to tell our parents I was pregnant unless I did what he told me what to do. I was pregnant with twins early on but then I bled and one was lost.

I've never stood up to him despite what he had done before.

Today I got angry with and stood to him. I screamed at him telling what he had done.

He then stood up and hit me hard with both hands, three times in my shoulders screaming at me in my face.

Its weird the assault has confirmed my reluctance to really challenge him before.
Conversely this assault has let me see how he really is.

OP posts:

lljkk · 07/12/2011 18:46

Wow.
You really need to stay away from him now. He's not family worth having.
Is there anyone else you can confide in (safely)?

OldMumsy · 07/12/2011 19:26

Call the police and report the bastard.

brandrethmupp · 07/12/2011 19:30

Does he have a partner? Does he do this to them too? Keep well away.

PoppadumPreach · 07/12/2011 19:36

I agree OldMumsy - report him to police at once.

jollyoldstnickschick · 07/12/2011 19:37

It is absolutely dreadful and it is unacceptable.
I think the deeper part of this is the baby you lost,he may or may have been responsible for that but inside you blame him and his physical attitude towards you strengthens the animosity you feel towards him.

He is definitely unreasonable but for a tiny part albeit with hidden grief and turmoil sparking it - you as another adult shouted at him knowing the way he may reacts - that was dangerous,he has hurt you mentally he has assaulted you physically now,that is not the way adults even adult siblings behave- will you report him? Id understand why you would be reluctant to do this - if you cant bring yourself to do it -dont even put yourself in a position where this behaviour could be repeated.

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 07/12/2011 20:15

You need to report him.

Is there any way you can tell your family, how would they react to the assault and the pregnancy?

reelingintheyears · 07/12/2011 20:19

Do you have a partner to stand up to him?

Hope you're ok.

scarletforya · 07/12/2011 20:19

Press charges. What a prick.

531800000008 · 07/12/2011 20:47

he said he would tell your family unless you did what he told you to do - what was that?

what a jerk - photograph any bruises and report him

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2011 21:33

What is it he told you to do when he threatened to tell your parents about the pregnancy?

izzywhizzysmincepies · 07/12/2011 22:16

Your brother has assaulted you. If you do not report him to the police you will be giving him a message that he can assault you any time he feels like it.

It may be that he will be arrested and bailed pending possible charges and it's possible that no charges will be brought or that you will decide not to press them.

Nevertheless, regardless of the outcome, if you report him to the police on this occasion it is unlikely that he will lift a hand to you again.

I hope you will come back to your post with further information such as whether you are currently pregnant, whether you have told your parents, whether you have a relationship with the father of your dc, and what exactly your brother told you to do when he threatened to tell your parents of your pregnancy?

Original poster

NotherHopeLesscase · 08/12/2011 00:51

What is it he told you to do when he threatened to tell your parents about the pregnancy?

I was about 10 weeks pregnant and at a family function far from home. I only went because I was feeling so lost at the time. The pregnancy was unplanned. My partner and I in turmoil. The first scan I had in a Marie Stopes clinic revealed there were at first two. I really dont even like to think about those really dark times when I was actually considering a termination because now I love my daughter so so much is too painful to think about it.
At the family function I had a major panic attack. I had to leave.
It was miles from anywhere. I left by foot. Found a bus stop back to a nearby town. Got a taxi to where I had been staying. I phoned home to say I had to come come home I was in a state. My brother then threatened me at that point. He angrily told me I was to stay at the family function and that if I were to come home he was going to tell my parents, that I was pregnant and thinking of a termination. This after I had confided in him. I was utterly unable to stay. I was in full panic. Next morning I got a plane home fully expecting to be betrayed and really fearing I was going to loose both due to horrible state I was in. In the end I lost one and my brother never carried out his threat. I have never forgotten or forgiven his betrayal though.
One of the triggers that made me stand up to him during the argument today was that told me I deliberately got pregnant. The utter twat. He smugly sat there and said that. I fucking hate him so much.
No I am not pregnant now. I had just the one pregnancy and much as I love my daughter, once for me is enough. She is now four years old.

I am still with my partner and he is very pissed off with my brother. He knew what he did back then and I have told him what he did to day. He doesnt want him near me or our daughter any more. Shame being my daughter loves her uncle because dumb me has always tried to promote good relations in the family.

Today I went straight around to my parents and told what he had done today and in the past. They did not know there had been two or that at first I had considered a termination. They were shocked and seemed supportive but I do not know how long that will last. The most they could say was something like, well he shouldn't have done that.

I don't know where to go from here. I'll sleep on it and think about what to do. Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

jollyoldstnickschick · 08/12/2011 13:34

nother i too am catholic and i too had a very unplanned pregnancy and I too contemplated abortion - now i look at my lovely ds and am filled with guilt that I very nearly didnt have him - to rationalise it in my mind at that point he wasnt my ds he had no personality hewas a bunch of cells (very important and special cells as it turned out and I adore him now) shock does this to people and sometimes we react in a way that isnt our 'usual' way,please try and move past your guilt- you have your dd and you love her the past with regards to that is exactly that - the past.

Your brother is a nob tho

Flip