How do you get your sex life back after having a baby?

[MrsJangles]

It's been nearly 5 months since my DD was born, and I STILL don't feel like having sex. I love my DH - him and my DD are my whole world. We've done it once since she was born, but I am so wrapped up in looking after her, being a mum etc etc that I am so tired by the evening I just am not in the mood for it. I don't feel sexy anymore, my tummy looks like a road accident with c-section scar, overhang and stretch marks to boot. I used to have a relatively toned tummy before so it's hard exposing this to my DH. We don't have any family close by, so don't have anyone who can look after her while we spend time alone together either.

I'd say we have coped relatively well with the adjustment in terms of supporting and loving each other, but I'm just not sure why I don't feel like sex, and how to get it back. Do I just force myself to do it? He hasn't pressured me at all, he just continues to cuddle and when we talk about it he says not to worry and that we'll get there eventually.

What is everyone else's experiences following childbirth? I know I'm not the only one out there that runs into this problem, I guess I'm hoping to find out I'm not the only one that has these feelings. Loving DH, but just not fancying sex. Any tips on how to try to get that physical intimacy back?

About 10 months for us, both times . Didn't really return to 'normal' until about a year'ish afterwards. The thoughts just weren't there any earlier.

Your mojo will return, just keep up the cuddling and communication in the meantime and don't put pressure on yourself. Your DH sounds lovely.
Congratulations by the way!

Are you BFing?

At 7 months I feel sort of up for it occasionally now. But haven't managed to find a slot in the schedule

At 5 months it was no way no how, which I thought might have been down to my tearing during the birth but now realise was probably hormonal.

PS we have found that we now to dtd earlier in the evening, pretty much as soon as the kids have gone to bed, or I'm too knackered otherwise!

It took us a few months and a lot of lube due to scar tissue following episiotomy. It does get easier and less scary after you've done it a few times. You may have to just bite the bullet the first few times, even if it feels like a chore and something you're not really into. Once you've got over the fear you will feel much more sexy and normal.

DD was born 15 months after DS. When the GP tried to tell me what the dates were, I was able to correct him. I KNEW when it happened - it could have only been one one occasion! That's what a weekend in Bath does for you!!

Erm...I found it was about a) not being too shattered and b) confidence.

Pick a good time when you're both feeling relaxed and comfortable (maybe a sat night on the sofa) and do some cuddling. If you go from there great, if not then go a bit further next time.

There's no rush just go slowly and it will happen. We're really only just getting back on track now and our lo is 3. Pregnancy, a small baby and breast feeding for the best part of a year slowed us down. By back on track I mean really wanting it, not just making the effort! The thing is, it's true. The more you do it the more you will have a want for it.

Marking my place!

DS is 6 months old now. Although I had a csection, so I'm in one piece down below, I find it really uncomfortable.

It's hard to feel sexy when your boobs are trussed up in a nursing bra or threatening to spew milk everywhere.

I also had a c section and hated being touched on my lower stomach. I remained rather numb and it took some getting used to.

The milk thing, yeah...I avoided any boob squishing for about 18 months.

I don't think small kids are compatible with a sex life
It took me a long time to want it again, probably in year terms if I'm honest. It's not that we didn't do it, we did, but I couldn't've been arsed either way
not that that was obvious mind you

OP try starting some exercise, it'll make you feel a lot better about yourself. In the early days, I found Pilates and swimming really good. You can definitely get your tum muscles back, ok you'll have a little flabby flesh but it's amazing what a bit of activity can do..