New partner and kids, what to expect!

[thebest]

Hiya my bf of 6 months has just met the kids, he is a very loving guy and seems to care about all 3 of us, would do anything for us, the kids have accepted him straight away, they love his inner child and so do I.

My problem is, he has never had kids of his he wanted them it just never happened he's unsure if he can have them anyway, he loves kids and loves mine, but sometimes I think he expects too much of them, as he doesn't understand what children can be like for instance forgetting to switch a light off etc, small things but I can just see he looks shocked about it. From his point of view it must be really difficult to come int a family after being single for quite a while. I can see he's trying I'm just worried that over time he will expect even more from them, has anyone got any tips? I have booked an ice skating session (a xmas event ) in a couple of weekes to try and improve that bond, hopefully he will soften a little!!

Sorry op but how can he "love" your kids after 6 months. Think there's a bit of a fairy tail thing going on here. How does he react towards them when things like this happen? Hope he keeps his nose out and doesn't say anything.

fairy tail! oops fairytale of course.

I think maybe it needs
To be taken even slower, if you are noticing his shock at little things ect, then that tells me he must have spent a fair bit of time around them, or else he is interfering too soon.

Their relationship needs time. And I think you will both need to have a lot of patience and self-awareness. As long as he is willing learn what children can be like, and you can both talk things over and support each other, you'll be fine.

I think his "shock" is understandable. I remember mine the first time dsd came to stay, and she was 5 and adorable. I had no idea what hard work it was looking after a little one! It takes getting used to for sure, and yes there may be some tought times ahead, but it isn't necessarily the picture that teens is painting. I have a fantastic relationship with my dsd, she's now 16 and I wouldn't ever put anyone off having a relationship with someone with children. I'm really glad I did.

Er thanks! lol ! Well no ok he doesn't love them as such but he does care, I'm quite happy with the relationship thank u, I just know how hard it will be for him so wanted some tips to get them to bond, I do feel he is around for the long haul although u can never ever be certain of that, but he's made it clear he wants things to work and that he cares about us all.

I had a relationship who had teens and it was a nightmare to be honest, but this one feels different so I thought I'd ask for some positive tips.

Thanks Bislev yes my youngest one is 5 so I guess it will be a shock.

Oh and believe me I'd love a fairytale, but thats never going to happen fuzzynavel, but thats not to say the relationship is not good after a short period of time.

I think the skating sounds like a great idea. I'd say just try not to anticipate problems, just keep concentrating on doing fun things together and allowing the relationships between them to grow.

I was once dating a guy who'd never had kids. Things were great at first. Until he started saying things like "god why do they have to be so LOUD? normal kids don't make so much noise!" and "why is he still wearing spider-man shoes? when I was that age I was into smart designer clothes" oh and "why is he playing those types of games? when I was that age I was programming games, not wasting time playing babyish stuff like that."

It was when he tried to "help" me discipline them that it became apparent that it was never going to work.

But to parrot someone else - I wouldn't touch a SP family with a bargepole - and I speak from past experience on both sides. Life is too short for that kind of stress.

Great!!!!

Talk a lot. Communicate with your partner about your worries and expectations. Make time to have fun together with all the family, skating sounds great, but also films and board games are just as fun. Get them used to spending time together doing the normal stuff as well as the fun stuff. Try to keep a calm head when it comes to developing the relationship, try to be objective when things go wrong, talk about what happened and what you can all do to make sure it doesn't happen like that again.

My experience so far.

Thanks that sounds like good advice :-)