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Original poster

New relationship......should this matter??? or am I being oversensitive?

9 replies

middleage · 05/12/2011 01:28

Hello all....
Well cant sleep......
Dont know why..but having a downer...today!
Met a chap...very keen on him...get on well....etc
Does not live near me 50m away...but thats not a huge problem as have 2 teenage boys to suppport...and i do work full time+.he has teenage boy
at home and one to support at Uni...he is main carer-X wife left for another chap.Wetalk alot on MSN then see each other at W/E
Ive come out of difficult marriage-but felt ready for another relationship...I know what I want and what I dont want...
He has always made it clear-boys come first.....
Fine ..my children come first...
He has good relationship with X...which is good.....but i asked him a question ...did he still love X wife...and he said NO...
Well this evening...in a conversation......he said he dosent love his wife like he used to......so that means to me....he still sort of loves her iyswim???
Or am I being stupid??...I dont love my X at all...Dad to my boys...but thats it...wouldnt move on to anybody else if I did!
Oh...well...perhaps reading into it too much.....Just me...thing is I wont commit...if still in love with X....

Forget it or carry on....lovely chap///but is this going to cause me problems??? x

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 01:37

I think you can still love and care for someone, especially if you have been with them for a long time, but not be in love with them, and not want to be in a relationship with them.

I wouldnt break off a developing relationship on that reason.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 05/12/2011 01:43

How often have you met this man? Are you absolutely certain he's not still living with his dw?

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 05/12/2011 01:51

I still love my ex's - in much the same way I love my family. They were a significant part of my past and I care about them. I'm not in love with them and I don't want to be in a relationship with them. I didn't even have children with any of them - I would imagine that would make it even easier to still love them. As long as he's not 'in love' with her I really don't see the problem and actually think it's a good thing, not a bad thing.

Original poster
middleage · 05/12/2011 08:09

thanks for replies.
Izzy...he has been apart from X for 3 years..bringing up boys..X in new relationship.
Yes...just think I was on a downer-I dont love my X's...but I do care.
Just dont want any emotional hurt again-need to pick myself up and get back on track....works at the moment...50m apart...still can get on with my life with friends and family/work etc...and enjoy him when I see him x

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 05/12/2011 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SolidGoldVampireBat · 05/12/2011 08:36

Be kind to yourself for the moment, you sound like you are having a hard time. But please remember that a relationship cannot 'fix' you, and shouldn't be the main focus of your life. It's only when you can live comfortably without a partner that you're really in the right state of mind to have one.

Gay40 · 05/12/2011 08:53

It sounds to me like he cares for her but that's about it and nothing to worry about. His ex-wife has obviously moved on as she's in a new relationship, they probably have a lot of contact becase of their son and all the better if it is amicable.
I'd say, from the information given, no cause for concern.

Original poster
middleage · 05/12/2011 09:05

Thanks so much...all so helpful...
Solidgold....completely agree...i think I felt 'fear' of depending on this relationship...and that is not what I want-especially after what I have come out of. He truly is a lovely guy....both have a mutual understanding that we have our boys to support and put first...but also know things will change and evolve..so we can do more together...just got to me..thinking he may still love his X...I just couldnt 'give' my all if he felt like that...but of course she is his boys mum...and always will be and that has to be accepted....I understand that completely.....and yes much better to be amicable.
I can talk to him....I will do....get my thoughts together today....
Thanks ...lovely MN's! xx

OP posts:
FionaBruise · 05/12/2011 18:52

I love my ex in a peculiar abstract way. Don't fancy him at all. we text twice a year. he annoys me to death. but i deeply care about him as he's one of the kindest people I've ever, ever met but there's no WAY i'd ever be in a relationship with him again. So I wouldn't necessarily be too concerned with what he said.

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