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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To doubt my self, am having a crisis of confidence about my impending domestic violence case.

25 replies

bristolcities · 04/12/2011 22:57

I am feeling sick and a little shaky writing this but i need advice

will try to keep this short

just under a month ago my ex locked my son and i in a room for two hours and beat me up after i told him i didn't want to be with him. He strangled me, broke my nose, smashed my head in to a wall, kicked me and so on. I managed to phone his mum and let her listen to both of our screams to let us go, she rang the police. But for some reason i didn't press charges. I know I'm an idiot.

But i have now decided to press charges, what are my chances, should i talk to the neighbours to so if thy hard anything ,or will the police do this? I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

PrimaBallerina · 04/12/2011 23:00

Your chances are fine. You'll be able to make a statement now saying what happened and why you didn't take it further at the time. Just be honest.

You're doing the right thing.

QOD · 04/12/2011 23:01

do you have a liaison officer or something? maybe they should do it incase you handle it wrong? they would know what to ask. so sorry you're going thru this. good luck

Robotindisguise · 04/12/2011 23:02

Well done you. The police should have a record of their earlier visit.

BlissfulMistletoe · 04/12/2011 23:05

no advice....but good luck and well done, it must of taken a great deal of guts to follow through.

YuleingFanjo · 04/12/2011 23:07

you will also have hospital records which will help. good luck.

FabbyChic · 04/12/2011 23:08

Jesus I hope you are okay. You can press charges now but they won't have any photographic evidence now. I hope you visited the hospital so they have doctors reports. I know its no consolation but criminal injuries pay 2k for a broken nose upon conviction, I got it when my kids father headbutted me in front of them in the street and broke my nose. I did press charges because along with it came an order for him to stay away from me.

Original poster

bristolcities · 04/12/2011 23:16

I am so scared about the implications this will have on my son. Will they think I'm an unfit mother as this has happened before. can they use previous hospital records to back this up? He broke my ribs when i was pregnant. And thank you all for the support!

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 04/12/2011 23:30

I promise you that they will not consider you an unfit mother. He is definitely an unfit father. You have already ditched him, you've taken the hardest step, and the police will understand this. Well done. Now you have to keep strong and carry on.

SaggyHairyArse · 05/12/2011 00:30

They won't think you are an unfit mother, please be strong and follow this through.

WomensAid can help you as well, not sure of your circumstances but they do offer emergency accomodation and practical support.

Best of luck xx

littleducks · 05/12/2011 01:24

I would expect that even if your MIL/dp's ex won't act as a witness for you, then the police should have on record somwhere what she said in her 999 call, which prompted them to send someone out.

Have you left him?

fridakahlo · 05/12/2011 01:29

Not a reflection on your mothering skills at all, but speaks volumes about his ability to act as a rational and decent human being. Please do press charges, these sorts of men need to know there will be consequences for their actions.

dancingmustard · 05/12/2011 03:53

Sounds an absolutely shocking incident you and your son went through.

But please follow this through and DON'T go back with him.

Good luck.

TheFrogs · 05/12/2011 04:11

You are not an unfit mother, you're a brave woman who can follow this through and do right by yourself and your child. Sending good vibes your way

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 05/12/2011 09:29

Thats a point, can your MIL act as a witness since she heard what was going on?

porcamiseria · 05/12/2011 09:31

fucking hell OP. good luck

my neighbour recently got a order against her EH, he literally cannot come within 5 miles of her. and she pressed chareges late and there was no evidence bar her word against his. may the force be with you XXXX

AKMD · 05/12/2011 09:35

By pressing charges you would be doing all you can to keep your child safe. What happened to you a few weeks ago and in pregnancy is absolutely shocking. There will be police and hospital records to back you up, and your MIL too.

What would cast doubt on you as a mother would be if you kept getting back together with a man who beat you up. Pressing charges in a brave, strong thing to do. Do you have support nearby?

Elliebobs · 05/12/2011 09:38

I don't have anything helpful to add but I wanted to say I think you're being really brave. Good luck. :)

MudAndGlitter · 05/12/2011 09:40

Best of luck OP

Merle · 05/12/2011 09:40

Bristol - have you made a statement to the police, or are you waiting for an appointment? A lot of your questions can be answered by them, if things work properly.

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 05/12/2011 09:43

The police will understand why you didn't do it immediately, they know about the fear. You are doing the right thing for you and your child. Nobody on earth will think you are a bad mother, in fact, by doing this you are being a good mother and ensuring he cannot come back to hurt your child.
Best of Luck, be brave, be strong.

cestlavielife · 05/12/2011 10:25

you are showing yourself to be a very fit and caring mother by acting to protect your chldren by rpessing charges and that way ensuring he is kept away from you (and them). make sure any contact with him and dc is only allowed if supervised in a conctact centre for now

izzywhizzysmincepies · 05/12/2011 10:48

Was your ex arrested at the time of the incident? Did you tell the police at the time that you did not wish to press charges? Did you receive hospital treatment and were your injuries recorded and/or photographed?

Before you contact the police I would suggest that, if you haven't done so already, you contact your local Women's Aid offices with a view to obtaining a support worker.

In view of your ex's extreme violence towards you, you should also give consideration to applying for a non-molestation Order as a matter of urgency.

Original poster

bristolcities · 05/12/2011 10:48

Thank you all. What is really haunting me is him trying to gt ds to go upstairs and get toys, he wanted him out of the way. I had to tell ds to stay with me or i think he may have killed me. I have just got back from the police station, they have made an appoinment for me to give a statment and i am see MIL tonight.

I still love him but would never go there again, besides he says he doesnt want to be around me as he "really thought he would kill me and doesnt want to feel like that again"

OP posts:

Memoo · 05/12/2011 10:55

Can you phone women's aid too. I'm sure they'd be able to give you legal advice as well as supporting you.

Do you have much support in real life?

I'm truly sorry you're going through this x

Merle · 05/12/2011 18:50

How did you get on?

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