I'm so sick of IL family dramas

[thatsnotmyMN]

My DP's parents are just fuckwits for want of a nicer term.

They fall out with everyone and it's always someone else's fault. FIL for example isn't talking to his mother, his sister, his father & step mum. All for different reasons. They stopped talking to MIL's very elderly mother and father recently - then she (MIL's mother) got ill and they swooped in and tried to steal her from the hospital.

They bully and emotionally abuse everyone with DP bearing the brunt.

DP and I are in and out of contact with them and when we're out of contact it's so much better. When we're in contact DP gets all morose and starts drinking heavily. Contact started again yesterday after 5 months and he's already passed out drunk this evening.

The have seen DD for all of about 2 hours in her life, 1 and a half of which were around the bedside of GMIL. They could not be less interested in her - their first and only grandchild. MIL asked today for a photo which we sent as we're trying to be the bigger people. But can't help think that she's getting asked by people how DD is and if they have any photos. They don't like people knowing that everything is not perfect. (an unpleasant trait that I'm trying to rid DP of).

I'm so angry that this contact might ruin Christmas. I want to scream.

Anyway, I just needed a rant because I don't say this to DP. But I'm sick sick sick of it / them.

What were the reasons behind resuming such contact with these toxic damaged people and who did so?.

Is there a reason why you cannot completely cut them off altogether?.

Does your man still want their tacit approval; people often on the receiving end of such abuse often go back for more due to wanting their approval and hoping against hope that they will change (which btw they won't). He could potentially end up with a drink problem due to these people; he needs to deal with his pain another way and counselling is often a good way forward.

The "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages may be helpful to you (and btw to him also) as you likely come from a family where this type of dysfunction within families is thankfully unknown. You may want to read "Toxic Inlaws" written by Susan Forward.

Oh it's because GMIL is ill. DP adores her. We can't really ignore them when it's about her. Even if they have some twisted plan to split GMIL and GFIL up because apparently GFIL is plotting to have her interned into a care home. (he's not, he just needs some help looking after her - they're both in their late 80s!)

I think he does still want their approval, and he finds it very difficult when I agree with him (prev conversations: him "fuck 'em" me: "I agree, fuck 'em") because I think he wants me to approve of them. If that makes sense?