How to stop the rot

[whataruddymess]

Namechanged for this.

BF of 2 odd years and I are at each others throats constantly. I still have a lot of feelings for him but just don't know how to help us. We just keep going round and round in circles.

Will reveal whatever is asked of me, so not drip feeding etc.

Do any of you wise MNers have any techniques etc. to use to get past this huge stumbling block?

We're going away for the weekend in a last ditch attempt to salvage things.

Do you feel that it is so important to have a boyfriend at all costs that you must cling onto this relationship even though you have little invested in it and it's not working?

Thing is, there doesn't have to be anything wrong with him as such, he could be a perfectly nice bloke and you sound like a perfectly nice woman. It's just that you rub each other up the wrong way, and although you came on here asking for advice on how to get on better, it's quite possible that you'll never find the perfect fit. How does that make you feel? Devastated? Or just a bit disappointed? Would it be him you miss, or just a general man-in-your-life thing and he's the best candidate so far to fill that gap? That should give you the clue as to whether working it through is worth it or whether you should just wave a fond goodbye on your way to finding more suitable partners.

I think your idea of taking a step back and dating less intensively for a bit sounds sensible; and in your neutral environment planning session, work out what you both think you want out of life and out of each other, and whether those things are compatible. Lifechanger's post re looking at your own behaviours and baggage is also good advice for anyone, really - we're all a work in progress.

Good morning and thanks for all the excellent advice as usual. Every poster pointed out certain valid aspects.

I gave things a lot of thought last night.

I have come up with the major issue being myself and my suitcase
baggage

Don't want to bore you about my past but Mum was an alcoholic for about 15 years, I was 13 when it all started. She upped and left me taking youngest sister with her. Remember waking up and pleading to go, she told me to stay there and "rot" with my father.

Conclusion - I did a bit of work on myself quite a while ago now. I obviously still harbour a deep anger and have abandonment issues.

I will explain all this to BF over the weekend

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Any suggestions on where to start? Literature? Maybe Alanon? Not in a possition to pay for private councilling at the moment.

position