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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have to let this man go or it is going to destroy me

35 replies

Letmegopleaseletmego · 01/12/2011 21:04

i have posted a couple of times before about this,but since doing so more things have happened that I can't get out of my head.
I met a man who I fell in love with,he would not commit despite promising me the world.I fell for it completely.
I have tried to move on and let go but he disappears for a while and then starts to text me again.
Anyway,I found out recently he had a serious gf,and that she is now pregnant.I congratulated him and wished him all the best-even though this broke my heart.
We stayed in contact and hd started to ask me to meet him again,I refused as I know what he means by this,we had a bit of a txt argument and he tells me the gf already has a 16 year old son.I told him never to contact me again as this was too much to deal with-he basically told me he didn't want kids and could never be with someone who had kids already.
He continued to txt me,I ignore him,until Tuesday,I td him I had enough of the hassling etc,and that I needed him to let me go I needed to move on from this.this turned into another argument where I now discover the gf is 10 years older than me-and him-and that she actually has 4 children already.
He also realised I have met someone casually but who treats me well-and called me a slut and some terrible things-which I'm not.
This man is refusing to let me move on from him.
Not necessarily asking for advice,but need to write this down as my close friends won't even tolerate the mention of his name

OP posts:
Original poster
Letmegopleaseletmego · 02/12/2011 18:44

Thanku to everyone who posted last night,I couldn't come back to reply or thank anyone as I had a last minute work deadline that came up.
In terms of calling the police or womans aid while I appreciate the concern it really isn't that kind of level of harassment.And I know for a fact that he won't do anything to up the level,he wouldn't want the gf to risk finding out.
Certainly I had a lot to digest and can see how I guess I'm 'enabling' the behsviour by staying in contact even if it was casually.
I got another text this morning,charming as ever,basically saying' when are you going to have sex with me?' I replied that I will never be having sex with him,that I can never forgive the lies he has told me and that it's too much for me to cope with knowing about the woman and her 4 kids as well as the unborn child.I said that he had hurt me for too long now and Ive had enough of the whole situation and to leave me alone. He obviously didn't reply-and I'm not going to enter into any more conversation with him from now on.

OP posts:
EleanorRathbone · 02/12/2011 18:47

If he sends you anything else, just tell him you will forward any other messages to his girlfriend.

What a fucking nob.

I pity his new woman, you dodged a bullet there, didn't you OP.

JaneBirkin · 02/12/2011 18:51

He sounds such an entitled wanker, really he does/ I'm so soryr you managed to get involved with someone this horrible.
I hope you are beginning to detach in your own head, that's the first step and it stops anything he does having much impact - it just bounces off once you hate him or are angry with him - and you should be very angry with him, he's treating you like shit.

Just one thing - if he sends anything more, reply with 'please do not contact me again'. That way if he continues to contact you, you have a case against him for harrassment.

thunderboltsandlightning · 02/12/2011 18:56

The only thing you should ever say to him from now on is "Please leave me alone, it's over".

Telling him how much he's hurt you etc etc is just feeding his narcissism more and encouraging him.

MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire · 02/12/2011 19:22

Well done with that reply!!

Now, just don't ever reply again.

Don't even read them.

Xmas Smile
SolidGoldVampireBat · 02/12/2011 20:51

OK, well done for telling him to get lost, but now you need to look into some counselling or at least a few decent self-help books. Whether you got fed some negative messages during your upbringing about star-crossed love or Love Will Find A Way or whether something else happened to mess up your boundaries and self-esteem, it sounds like you are needy and desperate and unable to tell a knob to go fuck himself. You can get more sorted, though it will take a bit of time but you need to get sorted before you date anyone else. Or you will put off the nice guys and be a magnet for the knobs.

dreamingbohemian · 02/12/2011 22:34

Well done OP!!! Grin

Now block his number. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore.

EleanorRathbone · 02/12/2011 23:14

Wot SGB said

montysma1 · 03/12/2011 14:07

Dont reply in any way what so ever. Even sending a fuck right off message is a response from you. Its the reaction he wants, they feed on it. Trust me the quickest way to lose these guys is to cut off their fix, your reaction , any reaction.

His nice texts, his nasty ones, his sad ones , his threatening ones,they are are all the same thing, its just poking you with a stick. Dont feed him.

If you feel threatened, do not tell him you will contact the police, just do it.

Please, dont interact further, you are just prolonging it. If he doesnt get a reaction, there is nothing in it for him and he will stop. Its in your own hands.

Original poster
Letmegopleaseletmego · 03/12/2011 19:55

Dreamingbohemian-the thing you posted about the rats and going 'batshit insane' made me laugh,I have felt that in the past!and it was almost like he was drip feeding me attention and affection,although if I contacted him he would rarely reply or take forever and would never answer the phone if I called.
Janebirkin-I think I am at the point now where I feel angry towards him.so it should be easier now to disengage from him.The comments about being a slut were just unbelievable,and also the deceit around the gf and her kids.I was actually physically sick after I had all that thrown at me-how pathetic is that?I realise that he called me a slut because he can't probably beleive that I would even look at someone else,he thought I was his forever even though he didn't want me.
Thunderbolts-I have realised this is what is happening re feeding the narcissism but only recently.I have never met anyone who acts like this before but reading some threads on here made me come to understand that is what he is.I didn't know I was encouraging it by even replying 'fuck off' now I do though and it's stopped on my part!
SGVB-I worry about coming across as needy to the new guy-it's so casual and I am happy with that.I have never been a needy person,I do need to really think about what I say to him and keep cool!
Montysma-your post is all true!and I didn't realise how much it was me giving him a reason to react.The things I have learnt on MN are unbeleivable.I also know that I haven't dealt with it properly as I have never met anyone who acts like this,most people would leave you alone if you told them to fuck off but this idiot will leave it a couple of weeks and then text ad if nothing had happened.I was always so confused by that I just thought he was stupid!actually I know he is.

OP posts:
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