Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Am I being silly?

42 replies

wifey6 · 30/11/2011 19:59

Hi...have had a tough week or so with DS teething & when I went out today with my mum & DS he was upset most of the time which meant the day was stressful etc. it cant be helped of course..so just dealt with it. Came home...etc & still DS wa upset. Expecting DH to come home after his evening at the gym..he pops his head round the door & goes out! I get a text to say he is down about his friend & his wife splitting up so has gone to his mums for a bit. This sort of thing happened all last week as well where he was hardly at home. Leaving me to see to our DS & do housework...tea etc.
I guess I am just feeling excluded. Tried talking to him at the weekend & he said he isn't home so much as he is busy. Am I being silly for this to get to me so much?

OP posts:

Doha · 30/11/2011 20:31

Think you need to sit DH down and tell him that his own marriage is at serious risk of breaking down if he doesn't modify/change his behaviour.
You are effectively a single parent. Have you asked yourself just what you are getting out of this relationship.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2011 20:33

Stop doing his laundry and cooking for him. Do only your own and DS's.
When he's out, don't answer his tests or calls.

Make yourself the centre of your own life. See if he notices.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2011 20:33

that's teXts

EverybodysScaryEyed · 30/11/2011 20:34

Same age as my DD (they are so gorgeous at this age!)

Do not manage your sons relationship with his father - DS has his routine and you stick to it. Like I said, make your plans and don't even think about how DH might fit into it.

I used to keep the kids up for daddy and some days they'd end up staying up an extra hour. So now they go to bed at their set time and if DH comes home first that's great.

Does he look after DS when you work?

EverybodysScaryEyed · 30/11/2011 20:35

and what mathanxiety said!

do not prioritise his needs over yours or DS'

Original poster

wifey6 · 30/11/2011 20:38

I keep my DS routine the same..bedtime is always the same (give or take 30mins)...I have worked too hard to change it! I have started eating with DS instead of waiting for DH to come home as if he goes out..I'm left eating alone. He makes his own tea when I do that. I do love him so much & he can have weeks where he is great...then he has a blip & he checks out!

OP posts:

izzywhizzysmincepies · 30/11/2011 20:44

You haven't got a marriage worthy of the name.

Next time he has a 'blip', tell him to check out permanently from the home he's treating as a hotel.

Original poster

wifey6 · 30/11/2011 20:53

Everyone of you have made really good points...it takes other peoples perspectives to make you see/find sense to deal with it! I'm going to have to talk to him again about it & tell him to buck up his ideas...I've proved I can raise our DS with little input from him & won't put up with it anymore. It's not the way I want to live.

OP posts:

izzywhizzysmincepies · 30/11/2011 21:39

Please be alert to the possibility that he isn't home so much because he has an interest other than his dm, giving advice to the lovelorn, and the gym.

However, I wouldn't advise mentioning this when you have your 'no ifs, no buts' chat with him as he'll lie through his teeth and be doubly careful to keep his exact whereabouts secret from you - and, from what you've said, his dm will collude with him and cover his back.

clam · 30/11/2011 22:27

You say he went to his mum's this evening, leaving you to see to your DS. But that MIL called you whilst you were doing that? Surely he was round at hers at that point?

HalleysWaitress · 30/11/2011 23:20

what was he like when your ds was newborn?

Original poster

wifey6 · 01/12/2011 08:11

No clam..he was at the gym. He popped home while I was giving DS his bottle & then went to his mums.

He was ok...a bit hands off as our DS had bad colic.
Spoke to him last night...a make or break chat. He has agreed he has been very selfish & will help a lot more than he has done. He apologised for making me feel unsupported & when I got asked to do over-time over Christmas at work he jumped at the chance to have DS.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 01/12/2011 19:20

I really hope he can start to demonstarte to you by his actions that you are more of a priority than some of the other things in his life

his mother

the gym

his friend

his friends wife

his work

has he acknowledged any of those specific things, or just giving the flannel of "trying harder"

volunteering to "babysit" his own child, is not nearly a good enough start, IMO

and words means fuck-all without actions

Original poster

wifey6 · 01/12/2011 21:11

anyfucker....that sums it up...actions speak much louder-you are right. He has started making changes but it takes more than a few days.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 01/12/2011 21:27

keep watching, and keep posting, love

we are here

Original poster

wifey6 · 01/12/2011 21:34

Much appreciated thank you

OP posts:

ChitChattingElf · 01/12/2011 21:36

Sod helping!

Tell him he has to step up to the mark and start doing his bloody job, which is being a husband and a father!!!!!

Flip

1 2