Leave my husband, run away.....please help, advice needed

[walkingonair]

I don?t have anyone to talk to and I really need some advice. I?m thinking of leaving my husband?

Our problems started two years ago, DH was made redundant shortly after we had our 2nd child. I had no choice but to return to work early. In the meantime, DH struggled to find work, so he made the decision for him to go self-employed. The business took off quickly and we landing several major contracts, things were looking up though DH?s his lack of business experience and rash decision making often exposed us to cash flow problems. Though I?ve never run a business either, I was left to resolve the issues and keep the finances ticking over as DH struggles with paperwork and accounting.

I?m now at a stage where, I can?t cope any more, something needs to give. I have a stressful full time job which involves international travel. I juggle this with running almost every aspect of our company. My working day involves flitting between the responsibility of my day job and our business. DH calls me hourly asking me to do things that he doesn?t have the skills or know how to do. If I give him tasks or instructions him he makes mistakes or doesn?t do it which has cost us money and created more work for me.

On top of this I?m now pregnant again. We hardly ever have sex and being on the pill this was the last thing I expected. I?m now 4 months and DH is over the moon it?s like lives in a parallel universe in complete denial of our problems, whilst I?m living in hell. I can?t carry on like this, I don?t sleep, I can?t eat. I developed an irregular heartbeat probably due to stress and the pressure is too much.

I?ve tried to talk to DH, made threats to leave, broke down on the kitchen floor had hysterical irrational outbursts in public. Yet nothing seems to make him realise I?m on the edge. I?ve begged him to wind the business up and get a 9-5 job as its killing me. Bus he selfishly refuses as he ?enjoys ? working for himself.

Our children as suffering, the house is a mess, we never have time to do anything special as a family as we work 7 days a week ? I feel as though I need to run away. I would honestly be better of bringing up my children as a single parent; though now I?m pregnant I couldn?t possibly afford childcare for three?!

I really need advice, please help.

Oh you poor thing. You sound totally overwhelmed by all that going on.

Is your husband bringing in enough money to pay someone to take on all the work that you do? If not, then he's not pricing things properly, is he, because it can only make a profit if the admin work is free. No business can run like that.

As far as the house is concerned, is there any way you can pay for a regular cleaner?

What would happen financially if you gave up your job and you both did the business together? Would you be able to survive on that money?

Can't he take on a partner to help with the workload, and get a cleaner to help there so you don't have the stress of a messy house?

You can't do it all. If you love him, it seems silly to break up the marriage for problems that can easily be rectified by a bit of delegation...

Your DH's business needs to emply someone

Is the business a limited company or are the finances structured in such a way that you/your home will not become liable for any outstanding debts if it goes to the wall?

I think he should get a job and you should run the company - it sounds like you do it anyway. Could the business pay you a wage and you give up your job, or do you not want that?

If he intends to keep going, he should have an accountant and an administrator and not lean on you so heavily.

Can you do the actual job he does?

Classic small business problem - hire an administrator/book keeper

Agree with Pakdooik, hire someone to do the book keeping while DH gets on with the marketing/manufacturing or whatever. Clearly far, far too much for you!

To make any business succeed, you have to have the right people in the jobs. Clearly, your husband can't do the jobs you do and also do his own. Equally clearly, you can't do your own job and work for him in any meaningful capacity.

The only answers are:

a) He give up his job and finds another, salaried, job
b) He employs someone (part time, hopefully) to do the work that you've been doing
c) You give up your job and work with him

The only alternative to those three options is:

d) The business goes under and you collapse from exhaustion and risk losing your own job.

Whereabouts are you? My friend is a virtual secretary who does book keeping etc. Could point you to her website. Reasonable rates. Some help like this could surely take the pressure off you as clearly you cannot continue like this.