I think I want to leave my husband. We have 2 small children. I have been unhappy for a long time and actually think I might be happier on my own with my DC's. My DH has done nothing wrong (no affair, no abuse etc) but we are such different people and I have been trying hard for most of our relationship to convince myself that I am happy in our relationship, when in my heart of hearts I know that there are things about our relationship that fundamentally don't work.
I think he is just the wrong man for me and I should have listened to what my inner voice was saying when we got together. This sounds so awful, but I had been single for a long time, heading to my late 30's and really wanted to have children. I thought my DH was my only chance to have a family. On the whole we have a warm and "loving" relationship but I have this massive sense of dissatisfaction with the whole thing. I don't fancy him, not sure I ever did. He is pretty anti-social, I like having friends over, doing things with friends, family etc. I wouldn't mind if he said "not my bag but realise it is important to you so will go along with it". No, it is all "how long do we have to stay?", "can we stay in a hotel rather than at their house?" (when they have plenty of space), " I don't feel well", "I have work to do".
Many times I feel like a single parent. He is a loving dad but I do the bulk of the childcare. Even at the weekends, I am the one thinking about how to entertain our DC's. It is so rare that he takes them out and just hangs out with them that I can actually remember the date he did it! I get really frustrated and want to shout - just take them out to the park for an hour! Or swimming! Or something!
Oh god, it all sounds so trival - he is messy and disorganised, I like order and routine.
I realise the above makes him sound awful! He isn't! He works really hard, has been really supportive a times when I needed it, does most of the cooking and shopping (but no other housework!) and loves his children and me.
Do you think counselling would help? He really loves me, and when we are both in the same "space " about something - on a holiday we are both enjoying for example, then I feel happy and content that I have my family around me and a loving husband. But then we are back to the day to day and the constant little battles I feel I have to fight because our view on the world seems so different.
I feel so scared though about whether I would cope on my own. Even though I do the bulk of the childcare, I know it would be a different matter if I had to do it alone (no one around to take over when they are driving me nuts). Also, how would I manage working and looking after 2 small children (pre-school age) on my own?
But then, at least I could make some choices for myself about my social life, how we live etc....
Anyone been in a similar place?