Co Parenting....looking good so far..?

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

Hey there. So following my decision to separate from my DH it has been surprisingly civilised between us. I suspect he is a bit relieved I have made a decision. we are both miserable.
Anyway so far we have come to the conclusion I will buy my own house just down the road from our existing home. He will sell his flat he currently rents out and the equity will come to me and I will get a small mortgage and buy a place.
the children will spend half a week with me in my new house (very excited about this) and half a week with him in our existing house. he still wants to see them every day so may come and help with bath and bed when they with me.
Now this is all sounding rosy but am I being naive that this will work?
I actually really think it will but would appreciate any words of wisdom....xx

he still wants to see them every day so may come and help with bath and bed when they with me.
The weak link in the chain x

Thanks baby, but why is helping with bath a weak link?

Because when/if you move on which hopefully you will, what then? Will he still want to come and do bathtime? If he does and can't it WILL cause problems as the new relationship will be seen to be the cause of it. Or if he starts a new relationship and then no longer wants to come and do bathtime, how would you feel?

I just think that there need to be clear boundaries from the start for something like this to work IYSWIM

Hmmm that's a really good point. I just feel if he wants to still see them every day, I should honour that...it's all very confusing.xx

My Oh wanted not only to see my daughter but see me. Then my daughter said that she didn't want to see him at all. It all collapsed. That's not to say that your situation will not work..it sounds as if you are being very sensible. Just make sure it always suits you, as well as him.

Sounds like you're doing great for so ealry on in it all. Would let him come round every day initially if that's what you all want, but maybe see it as an interim phase, or something that becomes a phone call after a while. My ex came round every day initially (as he didn't have anywhere that the DCs could go and visit at first), but a few months on we moved to a more regular routine of one overnight and a babysit, The babysit then turned into an overnight when his new partner moved in with him and objected to the babysit, but that was OK by then as DCs were getting older.

I know a few people who do a 50-50 split. What they've all found to work best I think is a routine when one has Mon and Tue nights, one has Wed and Thu and then they alternate the weekends. This means that your week has some routine to it - you can always be the one that takes them to cubs, etc, and you will have some regular child-free nights to do other things in.

Good luck!

Purple. That's exactly the arrangement we have discussed as that is pretty much how it works now. I work Monday and Tuesdays and he is off. We have always split weekends as I row on a Sunday morning and he has Sat morning to himself. We hope to maintain that jus tbetween two houses. Fingers crossed.

I think you have to do what is right for you both, and what feels comfortable, initially it would be good if the children were not tramatised at all by the split,and seeing there dad every day could work. However, when you move on with your life and get a partner in a year or twos time, it might not be feasible for him to come every day and it might then be better for the children just to see their dad at the other house.

Time will tell, but you are in no rush to have to make firm decisions just do what is best for you both.

are you going to go bath them when they with him?

best to start out with clear boundaries less confusing for everyone including a) dc and b) both of you.

In my experience children generally want and hope for their parents to get back together. Anything you do that makes it seems as if you are still one happy family will feed this hope and be confusing for them. I agree with those who have said clear boundaries from the start. That way there is no confusion for either the adults or the children and the sooner everyone settles into the new "seperated" routine the better.

Hi Op. I am four months into separation and our split was kind of similar to yours, in terms of the arrangements. We agreed he would come round after work as normal and do bath bedtime with the kids. It was all very amicable for about...oh a month. Then things started to fall apart. Four months in, we are now of the arrangement he takes the kids to his twice in a week and has them at weekends (I work then). He doesnt spend any time in my house with them and I dont with him. It is all really confusing I know and you only want to do whats best for the children but I found it just delayed the inevitable.

I also agree with fabbychic, what will happen when you do meet someone new? Can you picture a new partner, your ex and you all sat doing bedtime stories and baths every night?

Looking back I wish I had just gone for a clean break and childcare arrangements the way they are now. Yes it would have been hard for the kids, but they would have only had one adjustment, instead of the two they have now had.