I'm starting to think I might not be a very nice person...

[letmehelp]

I used to think I was decent enough, try to be there for friends, do my bit charity and volutary work wise, teach the children manners etc, but a few things have happened recently and my reaction makes me a bit uncomfortable.

-Gary Speeds's death. Tragic, absolutely dreadful and of course my heart goes out to his wife and family, but mostly it's made me thing about me! He was about the same age and apparently had everything to live for. It's made me worry about all the people in my life who are apparently happy and how I'd cope if one of them did something similar.

-I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today. Hadn't seen her for a while - we have completely different working patterns and childcare issues, so it's hard to arrange. Her aunt died last night and although they weren't that close, she naturally went to comfort her mother, instead of coming to lunch with me. Obviously I offered condolences, asked after mum and told her of course she must go, but if I'm honest, my main feeling was disappointment about the lunch.

• DH is going away with work for a few day tomorrow, he doesn't want to go, is dreading a particularly difficult situation he'll have to deal with while he's there and I've tried to be supportive, but again, my inner reaction is what about me stuck here with DC?

I don't like it. I used to like me. Is this normal or am a truly awful person?

You sound normal. It's hard to be Captain Empathy all day every day.:)

Time of year, letmehelp - what you're doing is like the emotional equivalent of a squirrel filling its face with hazelnuts ebfore a good long kip over the freezing spell.
I think we're all doing it, actually. Well that's what I tell myself, anyway. It makes me feel far less self-cetred.
Seriously, though, you must be quite a nice self-aware person or it wouldn't even occur to you to be self-critical about yourself in these ways.

i think, that you have recognised that thinking bout yourself in these situations might be a bit selfish and inappropriate, says that you aren't selfish. that said, I think its ok to feel what you have in each scenario, as long as for eg. you didnt give your friend a hard time about cancelling the lunch and made sympathetic noises instead. don't give yourself a hard time about it.

do you really think that you are being too self-centred all round, day to day? is everything ok in your life? i felt like that when i was depressed

You are nice or you wouldn't care!

Ahh thank you all.

I don't think I'm usually that self centred bejeezus, but I do have a tendency to over think things if I don't keep myself busy. I usually manage to do the right thing (like tell my freind to go to her mother) even if I don't feel like it. I might feel grumpy about it for a bit, but I'd try very hard not to let her know that.

letme, you are just entirely normal, don't worry about this stuff at all!!

letme you have made me feel better.

Yesterday my lovely friend persuaded me to book train tickets and admission for something we both want to see next week before she went to outpatients for a cancer check. It cost £140 which I paid. Two hours later she rang in a state to say the doctors want to take her in on Friday to biopsy some lumps.

Now here I am torn between worry for my lovely friend and infuriation that I may have wasted all that money and won't be able to go with her and feeling like a selfish beast! Even if she is furious about it all too it doesn't sit right with me.

So don't beat yourself up. Better to be honest and admit your feelings to yourself than lie. But probably don't share them!

Completely normal