Toxic bitch of a mother says she's not setting foot in my house again.

[VivaLeBeaver]

However she is prepared to meet me away from the home. Ha ha. Lovely.

I think I posted something on MN the other week when I was in hospital about my mum having to go and pick dd up fro mthe childminder's as dd wasn't very well. DD rang me up in hospital in tears saying that Gran was cleaning the house in a frenzy and shouting fucking this and fucking that as she did it.

DH was driving back home and I warned him. So he gets home and my mum is sat there with a face like a slapped arse and he said to her that she'd only been asked to pick dd up and not clean the house. She stormed out.

I then had all the shit of DH fucking off on holiday a few days after I came out of hospital and then coming back and moaning that the house was still messy. I am still pissed with him but I'm 100% more pissed with my mother now.

Me and my mum do have different levels of what's acceptable - her house is like a show home and mine is cluttered.

I've just seen her today for the first t ime since all of this and she's still steaming. She says she can't set foot in my house as it distresses her so much. The ironry is its currently spotless. Apparantly the things that upset her was dd's room being untidy (which I'd been asking her to tidy for some days before being rushed into hospital and not gettign very far) and when she pulled dd's bed away from the wall there were cobwebs. Well bloody shoot me!

I'm furious mainly because I think its so rude. You wouldn't say stuff like this to anyone else. And now she won't feed the cats while we're away in Jan so I'm going to have to shell out ££££ to put the cats in a cattery. I bit my lip and didn't say anything to her but am really regretting now not telling her how rude I think she is.

Tummy bugs get passed on. The taps on the bathroom sink are actually the most germy.

After reading your last thread (the one where your DH fucked off on holiday suddenly whilst you were ill and then bitched at you for not cleaning the house up), I was so horrified that I declined to comment because I thought my anger on the subject wouldn't be particularly helpful.

Now that you've posted this about your 'mother' as well, it seems to me that she and your 'D'H are possibly the biggest pair of selfish, toxic cunts on the planet.

You need to get yourself and your DD away from both them QUICKFAST. And here's why.

It is clear to me that both your husband and your mother don't just take you for granted, but also use you as a verbal punchbag whenever they damn well feel like it. This is learned behaviour. you probably grew up in an atmosphere where you were put-upon and disrespected and you've gone on to replicate that in your marriage. Your DD is seeing this OP. She's watching you get treated with disdain and this is going to affect her later and manifest in some terrible ways unless you get this sorted QUICK.

Your comment about your mother solely blaming YOU for the mess (when your H is quite capable of sorting it out also) is a terribly old fashioned attitude. She clearly does believe that you are just the 'little woman'. This is something your husband has picked up on before you did and now uses to get off scot free. To be honest, even if your house was a complete shithole, you never asked your mum to clean it up for you, it's not her place to comment and the chores should be split fairly between you and your H anyway. (Although I do think you should be tougher on your DD about her bedroom). For them to both bitch at you when you even had the extenuating circumstances of being in hospital and then laid up for a week whilst they did fuck all to help (and in your H's case, made life even harder) is appalling.

How long are you going to let your DD grow up in this miserable, oppressive atmosphere OP? She's learning one of two things: 1) how to add herself to the list of people who treat her mother like dog turd; or 2) that when she gets married, she should just eat shit and smile whenever her husband decides to needlessly hurt her. Is that what you want for her? To grow up into an unhappy, put-upon woman, with no confidence? 'Coz that's likely what'll happen!

Please get the courage to leave this situation OP - it sounds horrific. You need to ask your GP for some counselling on the NHS to build up your self esteem and get all your financial affairs in order. It will be tough for a few years but well worth it when you and you DD embark on a no doubt happier future. I've been there OP - I know how hard it is. Sod financial security for the minute - piece of mind is what's priceless here.

I feel for you. You're in a tough spot right now. But things CAN get better. All the best OP and good luck.

OK.

Sounds like a bit of distance could be a good thing then.

It's easier to keep people at arms length if they're not in your home doing you a favour, IYSWIM, hence why I asked.

Can you stop asking her to do things for you and stop doing things for her and see how things pan out if you keep things more formal between you?

Agree with uptheduff

I too read your thread about H leaving you to go on holiday just after you had come out of hospital.

No decent human being would do that to someone they cared about

Kahuna,

Yes I'm definetly not intending to ask her to help out again even in an emergency.

UpTheDuff - I'm working on things.

The state of your house is none of her business.
If she felt like cleaning it up as a favour to you, out of sympathy, because you were ill and your DH wasn't pulling his weight, even that might have been a bit intrusive.
But for your mother to terrorise your DD and fly into a rage because you were upsetting her by having an untidy house is completely unreasonable.
You're better off not seeing her, and so is your DD.
I read your thread about your appallingly selfish DH and agree with the poster who's concerned about the effect on your self-esteem and your DD's of letting yourself be trampled on and taken advantage of by both him and your mother. Please do something about it, for your poor DD's sake if not for your own. What kind of lessons are you teaching her?

Seems to me that the state of your house is the very least of your problems!

Be very glad that she's not coming round again. Now see if you can get the same assurance from your H.

I hardly ever clean my loos. I bung harpic limescale tablets down them once a week, and they meet the bleach bottle about as regularly. They look clean, they smell clean, and nobody's died yet.

Cleaning the toilet once a week would be deemed an aspirational target round here.

You are best off not having her round, the cleaning is really a side issue. She's clearly got some issues and it sounds very hard work.

What UpTheOldDuff said: you have normalised behaviour like throwing knives at you and stabbing your father enough to still be in contact with this woman. You are clearly continuing to accept disrespectful treatment from your H. Your DD is watching and learning from this. This situation is healthy for no-one.