Should our marriage counselling

[fridakahlo]

sessions really be about persuading me how lucky I am to have my husband?
After six years of marriage, my husband and I got to a place where we had to sort out the unhealthy aspects of our relationships. And he has made a real effort, I can't deny that at all but I don't feel I can be who he needs me to be in order for the marriage to work. If I stay then he and the kids don't loose anything, but I will be miserable, but secure.
If I go then totally disrupt our lives, he will have to give up his job (because we are living abroad and I can't stay unless I'm married to him, so myself and the kids would have to move home, probably to live with my mother in the shortterm and he would move back to be close to the kids). THe kids (especially dd would loose friends, the house, the lifestyle. So so much to loose and not much to gain but I don't love him and I'm only staying for the kids, he wants something from me that I can't give him.
Anyone?

Not planning to long term but it does make sense to stick with it for the next six months whilst resisting attempts to brain wash me into thinking that it's a good thing

With two self-absorbed and somewhat indifferent parents, it's perhaps not surprising that you acted out and chose sex as a means of attention seeking as it can have a certain 'shock' value even for the most liberal parents if their young dc is engaged in providing sexual services to strangers.

I'm sure your relationship with your dh has not been easy because I suspect you've used him/your relationship to enact some of your angst about your 'adult' parents. Whatever his faults, it must be said that he is trying to change the dynamic even if it is, as you perceive, too little too late.

Grade you journal on a daily basis as you've been told to do, but give consideration to re-reading it on a fortnightly basis to see whether you would up or down any of the grades you've assigned to each day's feelings.

As I've said, zazen meditation is entirely different to guided visualisation and I believe you may derive some solace from knowing that we are not our thoughts and that we can sit quietly and observe our thought processes without experiencing the emotions/feelings that commonly arise when we think about certain matters/subjects.

If having a religion was compulsory and it wasn't possible to get away with putting Jedi Knight down as one's faith, I would consider joining the Society of Friends. Quakerism is a quiet faith and it was the professed religion of many conscientious objectors during two world wars.

Purely as an aside and given your sleep apnea, have you been tested for hyperthyroidism?

Repeatedly since about the age of twenty_one as I have a strong family history of hypothyrodism.

As a point of clarification for those who may not be aware, hypothyrodism is a reduced level of thyroid hormones commonly known as an 'underactive thyroid'.

Hyperthroidism is an increased level of the thryroid hormones T4 (thyroxine) and/or T3 (triiodothyronine) commonly known as an 'overactive thyroid'.

Along with other symptoms, both conditions can present as tiredness/fatigue and depression, and both are treatable by medication in the form of pills/tablets to regulate the production of the essential hormones.

Correction: I inadvertently missed out the first 'y' in 'Hyperthyroidism'.

Blimey what an amazing and fascinating thread. MN rocks.

Frida, from experience a relationship is not just the frieworks and flowers, especially with kids it is the practicals of life, wheres the money coming from and is there comfort and food on the table. How old are the kids? Mine are 4 and 2 I know that the romance is not on the top of my pile of washing. DH works shifts every day and gets home tired and grumpy so it is not easy. But the kids make it worth it. Never done counseling, not had the time or money but we get by.

very interesting.
op - it does not sound like your mother and step father are appropriate people to rely on as grandparents in helping to raise your dc should you return to uk.
you do have a choice whether to leave or not your H but it may be that the Dc stability is assured with him until you have completed your therapy etc .
is it feasible to stay in US but live apart from DH?

I am staying for the next six months so I can do the DBT. As for fireworks and flowers the thought of having/recieving that from my dh makes me feel ill.
My step-father can be relied on, he wasn't around for a lot of my adolescence as he was working abroad, but relying on my parents could only ever be a short term thing. Anyway I am here, have six months to get through and then make a decision. Can't live seperatly as dh leaves for work before seven in the morning, so I need to be here for the kids.