In which my sociopathic ex wants to borrow money and I say no...

[NeedABrew]

I swear to jeff, this is getting beyond the joke.

I posted a while back about my sociopathic ex and him finding God when he found a born again Christian girlfriend, and thus my phone went quiet. Unfortunately, it went a bit Hollyoaks after that, when the new man decided it was all a bit too complicated for him, because my ex (his friend) had started going on and on and on at him that despite having a girlfriend he was Not Over Me. New man felt guilty because we weren't there yet, and broke up with me. Ex broke up with the Christian girlfriend and made grand declarations, which I knew were total shite, but I was feeling low, and having not been battered enough, went back for more.

Well, we're off again, and here is why...

He is not earning at the moment, and I suspect part of his plan was to become a cocklodger. He knows I get paid tomorrow. He asked if he could borrow some cash so that he could lend it to his father. I have never met the father. I know the father owes his ex wife/my exes mother hundreds of pounds. I actually feel sorry for my ex - his dad shouldn't be asking him to help getting out of the mess he is in, that he got himself in. But as ex has rinsed me for a significant amount in the past and been glib about this, I have point blank said No. So he is no longer talking to me and I have 'pushed him away'. I'm being selfish apparently.

He's a twat. I'm a bigger twat. I'm sorry for boring you all.

At least you haven't given him any money. You need some time to yourself and then a new man who doesn't know your ex.

I like your style of writing though, maybe you'll make it big as a chick lit author!

You really need to cut this guy out of your life completely.

HappyCamel, that has properly made my day, thank you. I should focus my energies and keyboard elsewhere.

Don't lend him the money

And get him the fuck out of your house

What the hell are you playing at ?

No, you're not a twat. And you are beginning to stand up for yourself.

Since when have you been responsible for his father?

Be glad he has gone into a huff and is no longer speaking to you. Says it all about the kind of man he is. Frankly you're better off with him out of your life.

Don't back down on this one!! I mean, do you really want to saddle yourself with a cocklodger? No, thought not. Just keep saying that to yourself.

chick lit ?

that's a fucking horror story if you ask me

right up there with Nightmare on Elm st

you don't live on an Elm st, do you, OP ?

I will buzzs, and it's going to get easier - stunts like this make it easier to detach. He has a link with where I work, but that's finishing at the end of the year. I don't see why I should have to move jobs, but that's obviously made things harder. So that should make it easier without me having to do much.

Ok so he doesn't live in your house but can harass you at work. Just hold on to the end of the year and remember that you owe this knobber nothing. If he starts whining at you, walk away from him. If necessary, can you go to personnel and ask them to have a wor with him ie that he is to leave you alone or be disciplined?

AF, he's not in my house thankfully, I've been very guarded this time round, I wouldn't allow him in my house - I wonder why??! I have no intention of lending him the money - it's like I've finally hit my limits.

And no, suburbophobe, I do not want a cocklodger. It's a mantra I repeat. I honestly don't know what mess I would have got myself into without these boards. I never knew how nasty people could be and having read about some total wankers on here, alarm bells rang. So years ago, I'd have probably been gullible enough to be persuaded. Now I'm not.

OP, please don't get further involved with this man.

You need a fresh start. Go forwards in your life - not backwards.

My manager is aware of the situation SGB, and has told me to say the word and he will have words with him if I need him to.

Sorry OP, I don't understand your relationship with him now?

Are you sort of still seeing each other? Do you have DC's together?

No DC fuzzynavel, just a work link that is due to end soon, and some mutual friends. So we were seeing each other, but aren't now - one of those stupid on/off emotional fuckwittage scenarios where one party badly needs to wake up and smell the coffee. That'll be me then.

then what is the nature of your relationship ?

you certainly see through him

so, what's in it for you ?

are you going to end it with him completely...or carry on with this strange charade ?

ah cross posted

you are going to completely cut off contact and never speak to him again then

yes ?

Well yes OP that will definitely be you [not meant in a bad way] No need really to have anything to do with him.

Don't engage with him anymore on any level.

He's probably lying about why he even needs the money.

You think he's a sociopath.. he will never be ok... he has no conscience.

I'd be very wary of being with any 'friends' of his... he will manipulate them as you've seen already

STAY AWAY, BLANK HIM, CUT HIM DEAD

Even if you are a twat, take solace in the knowledge that at least you're not a big enough twat to lend money to a total bell-end

AF

I NeedABrew do solemnly declare to cut of contact with this deadbeat for all eternity.

Or at least attempt. I obviously am finding it difficult, I know I need to take ownership of this and not leave the ball in his court, time and time over. I don't know why. It's like kicking an addiction. I couldn't tell you what it is - I do see through him, yet I go back. Yes, I'm attracted to him and there is some chemistry, but I know I'm better than that, I'm not shallow.

Babyhammock you are right about the lack of conscience. I think he's telling the truth about his dad, but when he was talking to me about it, he was whinging about how out of order it was, and that he should grow up and look after himself, I was wetting myself thinking, 'but he's you, but 30 years older!'.

His friend - who I have been more than friendly with is actually a really lovely guy. As per my original post, he was manipulated to an extent, but for the most part, sees through him too, and has been really, really helpful. We remain friends, and this probably sounds a bit pathetic, but I cannot emphasise enough what a help he has been, I've come on leaps and bounds since meeting him, he's been instrumental in opening my eyes to how badly I've been treated. Lovely, lovely man. Unfortunately, he was worried about the script being rewritten by the Sociopathic Ex in their friendship circle, i.e. would have gone from 'Sociopathic Ex Treat NeedABrew Like Shit and Met Friend' to 'Sociopathic Ex Nursing Broken Heart After Friend Runs Off With NeedABrew', and the rest of the group don't know him as well as we do. The friend is very conscious about other people's opinions of him.

chemistry ?

you mean he's a good shag ? Lots of men that are not sociopaths are good shags

you feel sorry for him ? Don't. He is happy to shaft you financially and treat you like a fool

what are you talking anout at the end of your last post ?

you have been getting "more than friendly" with this tosser's friend ?

have you an emotional death wish or what ?

just cut the fucking lot of them out of your life

I think I remember you now

you didn't take our advice last time

and still you say you will cut contact but then qualify it by saying "but at least I will try, and it' s very difficult"

where is your back bone ?

where is your grip ?

you are not even entangled with this arsehole via finances or dc

you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by jettisoning him from yur life completely

All that bollocks about the money, his father, the cat and the cats mum. well its all bollocks and you need to cut his off and serve them to him on a plate with a side order of arsenic.

get rid woman, do yourself a favour.

Replace him with a decent sex toy.

Really.