piahigsy - thankyou for your message - my dh is very supportive, but I think it is hard for him to understand it all, as his family is lovely and functional. Also like your DH, mine has put up with a LOT from my mother over the years, so is just very happy not to have to deal with her.
Its interesting that you resumed contact and then had to cut it again. I find it very hard to see where we could possibly go from here, so am not planning on resuming contact, though you can never say never.
Not helped by the fact that my sister is getting married in Feb - so its either miss her wedding, or have to deal with them!
afishyweddingfairy - I had CBT - which was brilliant - and actually is what helped me make the decision to cut contact in the first place, as it finally gave me the confidence to believe my version of reality, rather than theirs IYSWIM.
Its finished now but I am allowed a couple of follow up appointments, so have made on for next week, as I think it would be really good to talk it all through again.
Totally agree about protecting my children, and also about making new traditions - I LOVE christmas just DH me and the DCs. I think its just that I have to go through this grieving process - which is mainly about mourning the family that I wanted, rather than actually mourning them, as life has been much easier without them in my life.
I also just find that when people find out (not that I tell many people) they say things like - Oh life is short - just sort it out - and its not that they know anything about it - but I find I have to go through the whole self justification process again - which is hard.