Separated and trying to sort out contact. He is upsetting me so much I don't know how I can get through this.

[Albrecht]

I don't know where to start. Basically how can I keep things civil enough to have contact for ds sake and not drive myself nuts.

Separated a few weeks ago. One dc, 16 months. I asked him to leave as he was getting more and more unpleasant to live with and I felt it was affecting ds and my ability to look after him.

He's been away to sort his head out, came back saying he's been a dick, would do anything to sort it out, even talking of having another baby. I said I didn't want to divorce but we needed to not rush and see if we can get on etc.

Going fine then huge row on Friday (short version: he wanted to take stuff from house but was behind on maintenance and other money he owed me. I felt he was being selfish and immature as per usual). It was horrible. He repeatedly refused to leave the house. I ended up upset and exhausted.

Contact again today. He stayed in the house with ds even though I suggested local thing he could take him to. I tried to just talk about ds when need, to avoid getting into another row. He sulked as I was 'ignoring' him. Ending up another row (after ds was in bed this time thankfully).

Now partly I can see I am not blameless in this - as he started trying to justify his actions on Friday and obviously had no intention of apologising (never does), this infuriated me. So how can I minimise the chance of more arguments?

(We don't have any friends and family nearby who could help arrange contact, just moved here few months ago. I have pnd and ptsd from birth, plus ds is terrible sleeper so I'm just holding on day to day. Have contacted family mediation service, waiting for them to see him.)

talk to yoiur GP- get referal to counsellor; some surgeries hve special sepration counselling service.

set boundaries - he doesnt come in house for contact but takes DS out elsewhere - can he take him where he is staying?

Thanks cestlavielife. I'm having therapy for the ptsd although my therapist is on holiday right now. I actually can't access my gp since the split as there is no public transport between here and there - my health visitor has put in an appeal to get me moved but its already been turned down once.

I think I am going to have to say no to contact in the house. He's in temporary shared emergency accomadation so not really suitable for a toddler (one of the other people works nightshift). He claims there is nothing for ds to do here but the local town has pool, library, museum, child friendly cafes, park etc. I think he just doesn't know what to do with him as I usually have to organise everything.

if he cant sort out anything more then contact will have to be limited time eg - he will take him to park for one hour or library then hand over back to you. his problem to sort out really. for ds a regular weekly visit to same place isnt a bad thing, also you could say to ex -I will take him to librqary /cafe at xx time for you to pick him up from there. then you could let him bring him back to you at home if you think you can enforce a qquick drop off no coming in - otherwise you hang out in town then meet again public place for handover.

you could also look into volunteer run (free or low cost) contact centres www.naccc.org.uk where you drop child off there and pick up at end of session