Who else has been cheated on while pregnant?

[redvelvetcake]

I'm now nearly 7 months pregnant. I found about when I was 4 months that my husband had a one night stand.

It's made me hate being pregnant. Hate the change that my body is going through. I see myself get bigger everyday and think how unattractive I look.

I see my husband sometimes and think how could he have done this to me? To our children? I know that it was a mistake, a huge mistake, and we are trying to move forward. And he is trying very hard to show how sorry he is for what has happened. But it doesn't mean I'm not scared. That some days I look at myself and think there must be something wrong with me that he did this.

Mine did this, too, but I didn't find out until many years later - the affair was still running. Actually there was another woman on the go, too. It was the second woman that made me realise the problem was with him, not with me.

Do you still love him? Is there any way you can get past it? Do you think he'd do the same again? I couldn't trust my ex, though I did love him. I couldn't live with someone I didn't trust. If, though, you think it was a one off and very unlikely to happen again, can you get past what he did?

It's so sad to think of your pregnancy being spoiled like this.

I do still love him. And I know that he does honestly regret what has happened and that he will never do this again to me.

And we now do have some good days and things are good. And then I have the occasional bad day. Where I think of him with someone else, touching someone else and it kills me. Those bad days are less than the good days.

I am scared that all the negative emotions and feelings that I have ate effecting the baby. That I must be such a bad mother to hate being pregnant, that some days I wish this pregnancy away, that when I found out about what he had done I had contemplated an abortion.

Sorry to read this. I hope you have some solid RL friends that you can talk to?
look for mebloo 's thread- she went through the same thing a couple of months ago some of the advice on there is brilliant

I'm 4mths pregnant and my twunt of a husband had a fling 4wks ago with a girl he spent the night with last year (tho didn't have sex with on that occasion). I didn't know about either event until a couple of weeks ago.

Am feeling pretty devastated that he did this to me and the kids and I'm also worried about the negative effect this is having on the baby.

He says he's sorry but isn't actually doing anything to show he's sorry - it's just words.

I found out my ex was cheating on me when I was 4 months pregnant. I told him to leave and he went to live with the OW. He chose not to be involved with DS the twat and I've been a lone parent ever since (DS is now 5). It's not easy but it is manageable, if that's the route you want to take.

When someone cheats on you it's not just the trust that goes - to me it shows they don't respect you, have no consideration for your feelings and have a total lack of commitment - it's the whole betrayal. Personally it was a deal breaker for me, so there was no point even trying to save the relationship. We are so much better off without him .

Mine did too when I was 8 months pregnant. I felt I had to forgive him to avoid stress to my unborn baby, and to give the baby a father to grow up with.

Fast forward 15 years and dh (58) has left me for a 29 y o with whom he was leading a virtual double life for 2 years. Ds wont have anything to do with his dad and I believe I made the wrong decision all those years ago.

I'm so sorry for everyone. It sucks. mcbuckers how are you doing? How's the pregnancy?

I Thought we had a solid relationship and this happened to other people. I always thought, never us. He is trying so hard, and we have really good days. But then I get upset. Some days I wish I never found out as it would be so much easier.

It seems like everything on tv makes me think of what he has done. There's a reference everywhere to cheating. Not being able to tell anyone and pretend everyday that everything is fine.... Drives me crazy

Broken trust is one of the worst things to have to live with.
Men think time heals the hurt.
"It was 3 years ago!!".
More than time is needed.
It takes miracles.
And there are no miracles for this kind of hurt.
Shame on all people who cheat on those who love them.
And shame on those who make babies when in the back of their mind they still want to sleep around.
If children and pregnant weren't involved, it wouldn't be so tragic, tragic, but not doubly-tragic.
In your case, he sounds sorry.
But for how long.
He has no idea, no man has an idea, of how much the hurt stays with you.
I don't understand affairs.
I really don't.
Or rather, I do.
And those who have them, should remain single and just date somebody different each month.
Fickle people with egos needing feeding.
Not very nice people, at all.
Sorry.
Needed a rant and want to say how sorry I feel for you and shame on your husband for doing this to you during a time in your life when you need more love than ever, and hey, who said being pregnant and gaining weight etc isn't beautiful. You should be proud of what your body is doing. How it is growing to accommodate what is within. Now that's a miracle.
I hope you work it out with your hubby because he sounds sorry, but those other women out there, where the men aren't sorry, leave 'em.

Well said Barreal. My husband did this to me when I was 5 months pregnant. In our bed too. The shock and pain were almost too much to bear. The whole pregnancy was ruined for me. I hardly remember anything of it. He said he was sorry

...but did nothing to show it so I kicked him out. U don't regret it at all. 6 years on I have a wonderful new husband and Babt daughter. I respect any woman that tries to keep their marriage together after an affair. But to do this to a pregnant woman? Might as well just kick her in the stomach

My ex cheated on me when I was pg but I didn't find out until years later, it wasn't the first or the last time he cheated on me. The first time I realised he cheated was 12 weeks after ds was born with my friend. I tried to work it out for the baby but never totally forgave him.

fast forward 15 years and he is still cheating on his partners. I'm not sure if the term "once a cheat, always a cheat" is correct, but it sums my ex up pretty well.

yeah had dd at xmas in jan this bloke rang to tell me his wife was shgging then dp. Had been going on a while afaik. I used to pay her to do our ironing (mostly his shirts) ...

I'm sorry your going through this. My XP cheated on me when I was pg too. I didn't find out until almost 10yrs later. I had deep suspicions but couldn't prove it at the time. I felt I had to stay with him as I was young (18) and didn't want to be a typical single mum on benefits.

I wish I had just gone now. I would never have stayed if I wasn't pg.

Your dh sounds like he is making the effort with you and I hope you can move forward.

I would speak to your mw or gp about the way your are feeling.

Have you considered counselling for you and dh?

We had a bad night last night. We were arguing until 3am, I became hysterical and slapped him after he said he was in love with the OW. In fact he's only met her four times and he said it to hurt me because I told him I didn't love him anymore (also a complete lie).

So because we're so utterly useless at sorting things out ourselves we have a consultation with Relate next week that hubby has arranged. I think we will get through this, but its going to take a long time and a lot of effort from both of us.

I did read the Shirley Glass book this week and my dh has downloaded it today. I think it will be good for him to understand what I've been going through and Shirley Glass is a million times more articulate on the subject than I am.

Redvelvetcake - how are things with you?

This hasn't happened to me, but I know I wouldn't be able to forgive it. I felt ultra vulnerable during pregnancy and this would have felt like a total betrayal. I admire all of you who try to work through this, but I really wonder whether it is worth your while. When I become leader of the known universe, I will prescribe a swift kick in the bollocks for any man that so much as looks funny at a pregnant lady, never mind betrays them when they should be treated with the utmost care.

my exhub did this to me, i was 4 month preg and had a 1 year old. it was a difficult preg and he knew from the start as we both did that it would be difficult high risk preg. it was hard on my own but my kids are now 10 and 9 and we are all fine! there were lots of tears and panicing by me and when baby was first born it was a difficult time but i had family and friends and they were a wonderful support.

Mummylouise - great to hear you're doing so well. If you don't mind me asking - did you and your husband split up when you were still pregnant?

Just found out husband has lied again (about something completely unrelated to the affair) and I'm now questioning whether I'll ever be able to trust him again when lying seems to be his natural response to any situation where he's done something wrong.

I don't live in my home town so the whole process of divorcing and uprooting my two kids (and the one due next year) just seems so daunting.

Yes me too, I was 8 months pregnant with my first and it was someone he worked with. My job was a temp contract so no maternity pay, I was so worried about money and giving up work, also the pressure we would be under with only one wage coming in, that I worked right up till the very last minute and all the while he was taking this girl out for meals, to hotels and even buying clothes for her! I didn't find out till years later but could pin point to the day when he suddenly changed (his first date with her).

I remember it was January and freezing and all the pavements were frozen, he rang me and shouted at me for not posting HIS dads birthday card, I felt so bad that k went out in this weather at almost 9 months pregnant, slipping and sliding all over the place to buy and post this card and all the while he was shagging this girl. It's funny but it's the birthday card thing that angers me the most. The sheer disregard and care for his 9 month pregnant wife. Reader I stayed with this Pig of a man for another 9 years after that and he was repeatedly unfaithful almost all of that time. I had suspicions but all confirmed almost at the end of the marriage.

I'm sorry to hear that. You must be a decent person to get yourself past this, it didn't happen to me but I know if it, I couldn't stay with him.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with the way you look, please don't beat yourself up in that way. And there is nothing wrong with you. Men are twats at times.

I sincerely hope he doesn't do it again. Some people say 'once a cheat, always a cheat', but that's not always the case. Make sure he learns his lesson.